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Showing posts from 2008

Proof that Higher Education does not help

The other day I was innocently looking out of class, as the lecturer pretended to be lecturing. I mean, I cannot help but stare at the beautiful by passers, the only other option I usually have are:-
a) Try to listen and follow the lecture until I get a level 1 headache, which then advances to a splitting headache, known as a level 2 headache.
b) I can walk away, walk away(singing that walk away song in my head)
c) I can doze off in class, but the furniture isn’t quite for this purpose, like those metallic benches that have been put everywhere in the city centre, which by the way, I heard are part of the Millennium Development Goals.
Back to my story, as I was in class, the lecture happened to ask an obvious question, which no one answered. Seem no one answered his question, he asked if we didn’t know the answer. Discovering that we knew the answer, but we weren’t interested in answering, the lecturer then asked why we were in class.
The lecturer said that he thought that we were in cla…

The BATHTUB

When I first moved in to my campus hostels a few years ago, as a more cleverer individual than I am now(my grades drop every year), I was very impressed. It’s not the girls who impressed me, or the large multiple of roommates I had (and the fact that some of them talked about everything in terms of cash, like soda bottles), or the fact that I had been allocated a room near the administration block.
I remember the day well; it was that day of registration. I had spent the whole day squeezed between two huge guys in the queue. It’s not a good day, when some parts of a dudes anatomy are hovering about some parts of your anatomy in the queue. Furthermore, since I was traveling from upcountry(my editor suggested that I use that word, even if I had been traveling uphill for most of the journey) I had bought a lot of drinks , which I had imbibed. I was pressed by the time I was been allocated a room, and first place I headed to was the washrooms.
That was when it struck my eyes, for a m…

Improving my Facebook Experience

I am a very ardent time waster. I also happen to be very lazy and kiddish. My laziness is proven by the fact that my waking up time is the same as that you are required at your job, for those who work. My kiddishness is proved by the fact that I actually loved, yeah loved, that Disney kids movie called "Enchanted".

Recently, I decided that I got a lot of time in my hands, and decided to shop for an adult toy.Before many of you get the wrong ideas, my search did not even take me off my seat. A few e-mails and mouse clicks later, I was a registered facebook member. I really have not seen such a good time wasting tool for millions of people world wide than facebook.

Facebook is a really great time waster.In fact, here are some reasons why facebook is a great time waster:
• I get to play games such as vampires and werewolves with people that I last saw in class 3, and who I did not even use to play with them back then.
• I get a chance to tell strangers and my friends of my prou…

Social Engineering.

A few weeks ago, my friend told me that he had been robbed of a substantial amount of money, his phone and some other documents by unknown people he met in Nairobi. He says that he was walking along one of the crowded Nairobi streets, minding his won business, as permitted by the Nairobi City Council. He was then approached by a first person who familiarly greeted him and proceeded to *shake* his hand.The first person looked strange to him, but asked him if he could not remember him. He proceeded to *remind* him that they had met at his home area somewhere in Yatta.He even mentioned the name of a family member of my friend.He even asked my friend if he was going to pay his college fee,which surprisingly he was going to do.

Another second person then joined the first person, and the first person proceeded to introduce my friend to the second person as an old friend.The second friend then suggested they go for a cup of tea. my friend doesn't remember what happened after that, but e…

Having an expensive phone but communicating cheaply!

If you thought that you can save money in this times of Worldwide Recession(Even Young Jeezy just released a tight album named The Recession) by buying a cheap phone and buying sim cards from "the network with the most subscribers" and "the clearest network" or the new network in town, you aren't that correct. You can buy a middle end phone or a high end phone, and end up cutting on communication costs, such that you end up with the same or lower maintenance budget as that of a cheap phone.

how?, well middle-end and high-end phones from standard manufacturers(read non-china-mobile) come with Java. You can ask that geek friend of yours to explain what Java is, and its mobile implementation J2me(Java platform micro edition) are, or rather, you can just wikipedia them. For a brief explanation, Java is a programming platform that is implemented across varying devices irrespective of their architecture. This means that one java program can be run on different hardwar…

Kenyan Road Distances vs. Map Distances

Just the other day, we reopened school. I was waiting for a friend who told me that he was in Mwingi, less than 200km away, and would be here in two and a half hours. He ended up taking almost four hours. Me been the impatient me(yes, am me), had gotten tired, bored and had disappeared.We later had an argument(a friendly one) with my friend.

We later realized that the bad, potholed road was to blame, as illustrated below.This meant that he had a longer distance to cover, hence more time spent on the road!!

Free Stuff? First give me a free Medical Cover

Just the other day, I walked into a supermarket, which happens to have at least one branch on every street in town. My sole purpose was to buy toothpaste, and not chat with the sales ladies there, as my friend usually does, in the disguise that his non existent girlfriend send him for a pack of pads and he wants her advice on the best. I was buying toothpaste after my friends disapproved my method of disinfecting all water that I use for cooking and drinking with waterguard, and then not brushing my teeth since I didn’t imbibe any germs. So I approached the section that hosts the toothpastes and associated stuff.

As I was trying to decide whether the manufacturer of a certain toothpaste had signed as performance contract, I was approached by one of the sales ladies. She proceeded to say that she was offering a certain toothpaste, manufactured in Tanzania, for 67% the price of the other toothpastes. As if not enough, she would offer the toothpaste with a free toothbrush (I forgot to a…

THE INTRODUCTORY IDIOTS GUIDE TO RECOGNISING A FRESHER

1. Once a fresher looses any of their property, they put up posters requesting any good Samaritan who came across(or along it depending on which way you were walking),to hand it to them. The are yet to realize that once you loose anything on campus, no one, and I mean no one, ever sees it.
2. You are sited comfortably browsing in the library, and someone comes and tells you that they have borrowed the book they are carrying and they want you to record it. Damn, that is definitely a fresher.
3. Again you are surfing in the library at around midday, then you neighbor, who is pressed since he has been surfing since 8.00 am, decides to go to the loo (Which are always been cleaned or out of water ).Someone then comes along and posts themselves in your neighbors seat and start using their computer. After explaining to them the computer is private and not library property, the person agrees to leave, but insists that they want to press the “exit” button first to exit from what they were doing.…

The World of Condoms!

Do you know that there is a town in France called Condom! Imagine telling someone that you are going to see a certain girl in Condom!Ever run short of reasons for carrying a condom in difficult circumstances. Here are some perfectly accepted other uses condoms:·Preventing a rifle barrel from clogging!·Creating water proof microphones!·Holding water in emergency situations·Smuggle cocaine·In Soviet Gulags, prisoners used condoms to smuggle up to 3 liters (diluted to make 7 liters of vodka) of concentrated vodka into prison. EABL , Trust and Kamiti Prisoners sign MOU.·Keeping soil samples dry during soil tests·Improvised as a one way valve by paramedics when performing chest decompressions. Why are you carrying a condom? For a medical emergency!Animal intestines were used to make condoms around 1900!The oldest condoms found were from 1640, discovered in Dudley Castle in England. Please check the date of manufacture on yours. It might just be one of them.In 19th century Japan, condoms ma…

Are you looking for somehere to dump your electronic waste, karibu Kenya, hakuna matata

Kenya, unlike xenophobic South Africa, has been known to be very welcoming to foreigners. We are so welcoming that even at the height of post election violence, we still preferred welcoming them to living with the neighbors we had lived with since we were born.

We have continued with this tradition in this era of globalization and digitization that we are now accepting their electronic waste.In fact, we are so good that we are ranked alongside China and India by wikipedia. Electronic waste end up in Kenya mainly thtough the following ways:
Donations to schools and instituitions through some large organisationsThey are assembled in clones and second hand computers for saleElectronic waste may be send top Kenya for processingClones are the computers which are mostly unbranded and assembled by small scale assemblers in Kenya or the east. Also note that alsthough the casing might bear brands such as Digitek, mpaq, xcess or the like, mostly printed, this are also clones since thoise are just…

I am Back!

Well, this blog may not have been updated and you may have been wondering where I went to.
See, from my last post, I have been very busy.
First I had to go convince my tribe why we should not vote for that guy from a "certain tribe". Even if that guy is better than the other one from the "other tribe" , their tribe is worse of than our tribe. See they occupy the same job that our tribe would have occupied, farm on the same fields that our tribe should farm on and eat the same food that our tribe should be eating.
That was an easy task given that most people from my tribe are lazier than those from the other tribe, and i had given them an easy tribe to solve their problems on. See, in Africa we solve problems using tribes, after all, they wouldnt be there if it wasnt for the other tribe.
My next task was now to instigate violence against the "other tribe". this task was even made easier by the "victory funds" from the big man. See, even the Bible say…