THE INTRODUCTORY IDIOTS GUIDE TO RECOGNISING A FRESHER

1. Once a fresher looses any of their property, they put up posters requesting any good Samaritan who came across(or along it depending on which way you were walking),to hand it to them. The are yet to realize that once you loose anything on campus, no one, and I mean no one, ever sees it.
2. You are sited comfortably browsing in the library, and someone comes and tells you that they have borrowed the book they are carrying and they want you to record it. Damn, that is definitely a fresher.
3. Again you are surfing in the library at around midday, then you neighbor, who is pressed since he has been surfing since 8.00 am, decides to go to the loo (Which are always been cleaned or out of water ).Someone then comes along and posts themselves in your neighbors seat and start using their computer. After explaining to them the computer is private and not library property, the person agrees to leave, but insists that they want to press the “exit” button first to exit from what they were doing. You will not get any marks for identifying this as a fresher.
4. You are in Baghdad, the favorite self service mabati kiosk in KM, and someone comes sits down and proceeds to whitsle, in an attempt to call the man in charge of collecting dishes. When he happily comes along, the someone gives their order of “ugali ya mtama na supu ya ngamia” to be served on their table. Another fresher.
5. Anyone coming from KM carrying a new “Solex” padlock (made in USA china) is definitely a fresher. They are yet to realize that they do not the keys that come with the padlock, since the top from a normal Bic biro will act as a hustl-free-key.
6. Anyone posing in the library to stare at the large blue plastic sign that says what should be on the firsts floor, is (Well, I don’t have to type it, do i?)

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Beers in Kenya: A sober opinion

I have had a short beer swigging stint in my life. It has however been long enough for me to share my opinions of Kenyan beer. Interestingly, over the course of sharing such opinions with other drunkards connoisseurs, I have found that we all have different views as to what beer is the best, which one makes you too drunk, or which one gives a free, extra hangover for every hangover you get from it.

For starters, like everyone else, I discovered that beer isn’t as sweet as it looks like in those adverts that show golden barley swaying in breezes, happy men smiling and toasting chilled, foaming glasses of beer as a deep voice does some narration in the background.

Beer is bitter! Now, it turns out beer is intentionally made bitter. See, beer shares the same ingredients as bread. The major difference is that bread isn't fermented. Bread is sweet, so why isn't beer sweet?

Kenyan products: The art of punishing your consumer

Peanut butter used to taste so good, but you could not afford it on the pocket money that you got back in school. A few years later, you have your first real job and your first "disposable" income. You buy your first real tub of peanut butter , probably the first in your life. You feel proud that Dominion peanut butter is manufactured in Ruiru, a town that you visited in your campus days to withdraw your pocket money , it was the nearest bank ATM to your campus. This was before Equity bank became a mainstream bank and decided to open an ATM in your campus, and before M-Pesa meant that you could withdraw your pocket money next to the kibanda where you had your one meal of the day.

The peanut butter though is a far cry form the peanut butter you remember. It does not taste that good, and turns into some sort of stone barely before you are a third way through the jar. The stone is not a kind that you learned about in your Geography classes though.

Dejectedly, you decide not …

EuroTrip: Party in Mallorca

This post is the last in these series of my first EuroTrip. You can click here to read my previous post on my real experience in Madrid. https://blog.denniskioko.com/2020/01/eurotrip-madrid-in-2-days-it-has-its.html

I was headed to the airport, en route to my final destination - Mallorca pronounced as Majorca (with a Y in place of the J). The island of Mallorca had ended up in my itinerary by accident. When exploring cheap flights between Madrid and Munich - my starting point, it appeared that all flights went through Mallorca. It, therefore, made sense to have a stopover at the island.

Again, the Madrid airport is packed during summer and it would be a good idea not to have any check-in luggage for a European stop unless you love queueing in long and winding queues. The Air Norwegian flight between Madrid and Mallorca was hassle free and comes highly recommended.

The bitter story of the downfall of Mumias Sugar company

Have you heard the bitter story of Mumias Sugar?

Regarded by many as Kenya's most successful sugar miller, Mumias Sugar Company was a disaster waiting to happen.

Many pointed out how Mumias Sugar Company was a fortress in the wreck that is Kenya's sugar industry, only unaware that it was just a matter of time. As the old wise men said, "Ukiona cha mwenzako cha nyolewa, tia chako maji".

The proverb means that if you see your neighbour's head getting shaved, your head will soon be undergoing the same - you'd therefore better wet your head for a smoother shave, otherwise you will be forced to undergo a painful, dry, shave.

But what ails Kenya's sugar industry?

The Kenya sugar industry is under legal siege. The typical Kenyan issue of coming up with laws to tackle a problem is evident here.

Many of Kenya's sugar factories are owned by the government, and have slowly declined under mismanagement and corruption. The appointing of political cronies and trib…

Orange River Cellars Wines - Kenya's New Sweet and Dry Wines

There's a new panty remover wine brand in town.

It's from down in South Africa. In some of our geography classes, they taught of the Orange River down in South Africa. If you remember of such a lesson, it might have touched on the VanDerKloof dam on the river, or it's source from the Drakensberg mountains. I'm not sure though, whether they mentioned of the agriculture of the region, which apparently might contribute to your weekend activities.

There have been a host of South African wines, ranging from the boxed Namaquas (Namaqua is a place in South Africa, now you know) to the Mara's (yeah, it's a South African wine) to African's Five Chenin Blanc, which is among my favourite in Kenya.

Making its way into the market is the Orange River Cellars brand of wines. The group has a range of wines including boxed reds, boxed whites and probably the only boxed rose (pronounced rosay for wines) wine I have seen in this market.

Executives from the firm tell me that th…

Dennis Kioko

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