Skip to main content

My 40 seconds as a thief

Today I arrived at the office in the cover of darkness, not that I wanted to arouse any suspicion, but been a user of Thika road, I have to choose arriving at work either under the cover of darkness or in broad day light. Arriving at work is not the only thing that i have done under the cover of darkness today. Waking up was the first thing I did under the cover of darkness, immediately after which I was hit by a very strong stench, only to discover that its source was yours truly's armpits. In short I now also had to shower under the cover of darkness.

I then went to get water from an outside tap, that is shared by my whole block of flats. This was also done under the cover of darkness. It is at this moment that I realized that I had made a critical mistake; one of entrusting the critical job of providing water for my essential use on this morning to an unreliable firm, aka the Nairobi Water & Sewerage Company. They had lived to their expectation, and had only provided a trickle of water to fill half a jerrycan for the first person in line.

Been the 11th or so in line, things were now heading for the worst. It was the so called desperate times, that call for desperate measures. As more sweat continued to trickle down my now famous armpits, I began calculating a scheme to ensure that I could at least get some water. I looked around and noticed that I was the only soul outside. I then assumed that the watchman was asleep, and that my neighbours were also asleep.

I then decided that been a good neighbour, I should share my neighbours water, since good neighbours are always willing to share. I quickly lifted the jerrycan, and began emptying the water into my jerrycan. I poured the water noisily till we each had an equal share. Just when I was thinking that I had made it through safely , I was interrupted by a sound asking me "We, unafanya nini?" . I froze for a few seconds, and more sweat trickled down my arm pits. It is at this point that I noticed a KPLC powered bulb had quietly gone on in one of the first floor windows during my 40 seconds of crime. It was also at this point that I saw the light in the famed KPLC 'mulika mwizi' advert.

"Mbona unafanya hivyo?" my neighbour continued, "Na vile nimengoja hiyo maji?". I explained to her that "Nilikuwa nagawa maji tu." She then told me to return her jerrycan under the tap. I shamefully asked her if I could return the evidence of the crime to its original place(what else could I do), but been an understanding and loving neighbour, she told me I could keep the evidence. She proceeded to watch me as I returned to my residence, a residence which now housed a thief.

I had by now set a presidence , that I was not one to be trusted in this neighbourhood. I imagine how the rest of the neighbours will be glad to know who has been stealing there water, since this is not the first case. I am also imagining how the watchman will be instructed to keep a watchful eye on yours truly, and how the neighbors will instruct their families to be alert when yours truly is around. The house helps will especially receive firm instructions not to let me linger around their homes, and not to talk with me, an act that is bound to trigger thorough questioning if committed. By now, I also imagine that I have made it to the top of the "usual suspects" of small items that go missing in the neighborhood.

I have also learned that you should never leave any detail to the last minute, and that trusting an unreliable person(firm) is an equivalent of putting your arms in fire. I refused to source for water last evening, awaiting the Nairobi Water & sewerage company to supply it over the night, to no avail.I have also leaned that as a thief, it is a fatal mistake to make any assumptions in this career. I also learned that as a thief, sound is one of your top enemies.

It is so tragic that I did not complete my first 40 seconds of my 1st out of 40 days of been a thief, tragic, tragic!

Comments

kenyahouses said…
Relax..atleast you are now famous

Popular posts from this blog

Beers in Kenya: A sober opinion

Note: This is a dated post and has since been mostly passed by events. SAB Miller beers including Castle and Peroni are no longer widely available in Kenya after their exist. Sirville Brewery was bought out by Brew Bistro before being permanently shut in a tax dispute. Kenya is a land of milk, honey, beaches and taxes. I have penned, or is typed, a newer post here .  Peroni - One of the best beers in Kenya. Did a taste of canned and bottled Italian, and bottled Tanzanian I like the tangy flavour and body in Tanzanian Peroni. The can is close. Heineken drinkers will like the Italian one.  I have had a short beer swigging stint in my life. It has however been long enough for me to share my opinion of Kenyan beer. Interestingly, over the course of sharing such opinions with other drunkards connoisseurs,  I have found that we all have different views as to what beer is the best, which one makes you too drunk, or which one gives one free, extra hangover for every hangover you get

The bitter story of the downfall of Mumias Sugar company

A spoonful of sugar, but for who? ( Image: Carol Wallis on Flickr ) Have you heard the bitter story of Mumias Sugar? Regarded by many as Kenya's most successful sugar miller, Mumias Sugar Company was a disaster waiting to happen. Many pointed out how Mumias Sugar Company was a fortress in the wreck that is Kenya's sugar industry, only unaware that it was just a matter of time. As the old wise men said, "Ukiona cha mwenzako cha nyolewa, tia chako maji". The proverb means that if you see your neighbour's head getting shaved, your head will soon be undergoing the same - you'd therefore better wet your head for a smoother shave, otherwise you will be forced to undergo a painful, dry, shave. But what ails Kenya's sugar industry? The Kenya sugar industry is under legal siege. The typical Kenyan issue of coming up with laws to tackle a problem is evident here. Many of Kenya's sugar factories are owned by the government, and have slowly decline

Best and Most Durable Highway SUV Tyres

Buying tyres is a dilemma - how do you get the best tyres without spending much more than is necessary?  If that's your dillema, well, you have come to the right place. We will look at tyres that are at the sweetspot of durability, performance and affordability especially for SUVs.  You'll find that most of my top picks are Asian brands. These tend to last longer and are more affordable. European brands are engineered more for comfort and ride quality. So if comfort is your top concern when buying tyres, I would recommend Pirelli and Michelin.  1. Otani   Otani is a little known tyre brand made in Dubai. It however rates quite highly for durability and hardiness, with most of its tyres coming in 'Extra Load' specification. Extra Load tyres are designed if you carry a lot of weight or if you do a lot of towing. Even if you don't, it means you end up with more hardy tyres than your manufacturer recommends. Propelling Otani to the top of my ranking is th

A to Z of Girl Pick-up Lines

Girl,  You are like a breath of fresh air , like an outstanding piece of Art in an art gallery  There are many things you and me can be, but it puts a smile of satisfaction on my face and a smile of envy on my buddies faces that you both beautiful and bootyfull  E ither your creator must have taken the greatest care creating you or your cheated your way around heaven, 'coz you clearly the prettiest girl on earth  D on't ask why my breathing quickens every time I see you; setting my eyes on you makes me feel like I am drowning in your beauty, I have to catch my breath   Exciting, Exotic, Elegant, Electrifying ; so many definitions in english , but when it comes to the human race, girl, you are the one and only definition of all the above  W hen I say you are fly , it may be due to the sensation of flying off the ground that I get when I am around you. Some girls are beautiful, a few are decent, even fewer got class; I didn't know I could find all this qualities in one gir

Kenyan products: The art of punishing your consumer

This post was written in 2011. Facts may have and indeed have changed - but the conclusion has not.  Dormans instant coffee tastes better than Sasini instant coffee. Ramtons electronics are manufactured for Kenya's Hypermart Limited, yet maintain a high product quality Peanut butter used to taste so good, but you could not afford it on the pocket money that you got back in school. A few years later, you have your first real job and your first "disposable" income. You buy your first real tub of peanut butter, probably the first in your life. You feel proud that Dominion peanut butter is manufactured in Ruiru, a town that you visited in your campus days to withdraw your pocket money, it was the nearest bank ATM to your campus.  This was before Equity bank became a mainstream bank and decided to open an ATM in your campus, and before M-Pesa meant that you