Skip to main content

My 40 seconds as a thief

Today I arrived at the office in the cover of darkness, not that I wanted to arouse any suspicion, but been a user of Thika road, I have to choose arriving at work either under the cover of darkness or in broad day light. Arriving at work is not the only thing that i have done under the cover of darkness today. Waking up was the first thing I did under the cover of darkness, immediately after which I was hit by a very strong stench, only to discover that its source was yours truly's armpits. In short I now also had to shower under the cover of darkness.

I then went to get water from an outside tap, that is shared by my whole block of flats. This was also done under the cover of darkness. It is at this moment that I realized that I had made a critical mistake; one of entrusting the critical job of providing water for my essential use on this morning to an unreliable firm, aka the Nairobi Water & Sewerage Company. They had lived to their expectation, and had only provided a trickle of water to fill half a jerrycan for the first person in line.

Been the 11th or so in line, things were now heading for the worst. It was the so called desperate times, that call for desperate measures. As more sweat continued to trickle down my now famous armpits, I began calculating a scheme to ensure that I could at least get some water. I looked around and noticed that I was the only soul outside. I then assumed that the watchman was asleep, and that my neighbours were also asleep.

I then decided that been a good neighbour, I should share my neighbours water, since good neighbours are always willing to share. I quickly lifted the jerrycan, and began emptying the water into my jerrycan. I poured the water noisily till we each had an equal share. Just when I was thinking that I had made it through safely , I was interrupted by a sound asking me "We, unafanya nini?" . I froze for a few seconds, and more sweat trickled down my arm pits. It is at this point that I noticed a KPLC powered bulb had quietly gone on in one of the first floor windows during my 40 seconds of crime. It was also at this point that I saw the light in the famed KPLC 'mulika mwizi' advert.

"Mbona unafanya hivyo?" my neighbour continued, "Na vile nimengoja hiyo maji?". I explained to her that "Nilikuwa nagawa maji tu." She then told me to return her jerrycan under the tap. I shamefully asked her if I could return the evidence of the crime to its original place(what else could I do), but been an understanding and loving neighbour, she told me I could keep the evidence. She proceeded to watch me as I returned to my residence, a residence which now housed a thief.

I had by now set a presidence , that I was not one to be trusted in this neighbourhood. I imagine how the rest of the neighbours will be glad to know who has been stealing there water, since this is not the first case. I am also imagining how the watchman will be instructed to keep a watchful eye on yours truly, and how the neighbors will instruct their families to be alert when yours truly is around. The house helps will especially receive firm instructions not to let me linger around their homes, and not to talk with me, an act that is bound to trigger thorough questioning if committed. By now, I also imagine that I have made it to the top of the "usual suspects" of small items that go missing in the neighborhood.

I have also learned that you should never leave any detail to the last minute, and that trusting an unreliable person(firm) is an equivalent of putting your arms in fire. I refused to source for water last evening, awaiting the Nairobi Water & sewerage company to supply it over the night, to no avail.I have also leaned that as a thief, it is a fatal mistake to make any assumptions in this career. I also learned that as a thief, sound is one of your top enemies.

It is so tragic that I did not complete my first 40 seconds of my 1st out of 40 days of been a thief, tragic, tragic!

Comments

kenyahouses said…
Relax..atleast you are now famous

Popular posts from this blog

Beers in Kenya: A sober opinion

Note: This is a dated post and has since been mostly passed by events. SAB Miller beers including Castle and Peroni are no longer widely available in Kenya after their exist. Sirville Brewery was bought out by Brew Bistro before being permanently shut in a tax dispute. Kenya is a land of milk, honey, beaches and taxes. I have penned, or is typed, a newer post here .  Peroni - One of the best beers in Kenya. Did a taste of canned and bottled Italian, and bottled Tanzanian I like the tangy flavour and body in Tanzanian Peroni. The can is close. Heineken drinkers will like the Italian one.  I have had a short beer swigging stint in my life. It has however been long enough for me to share my opinion of Kenyan beer. Interestingly, over the course of sharing such opinions with other drunkards connoisseurs,  I have found that we all have different views as to what beer is the best, which one makes you too drunk, or which one gives one free, extra hangover for every ha...

Nairobi's Top 4 Texas Brisket Places Reviewed and Ranked

Brisket on a bed of roast vegetables with barbecue sauce at Texas Brisket, Kikuyu  This review has been updated after a number of you suggested I try the brisket at County2County.  What's the best place to have Brisket in Nairobi? What's even brisket?  Brisket is one of the toughest cuts in a cow, from around the belly. It is so tough that it has to be smoked for about 16 hours to tenderise. But that there, is the catch.  12 to 16 hours later, it is the most flavourful and softest cut you will ever have. So full of flavour and so soft you can pick it apart with your fingers.  However, due to the long cooking time involved, only a few places offer brisket in Nairobi.  The best so far is Texas Brisket which is located within Kikuyu Railway station.  They do the meat for a proper 16 hours, and will usually have a fatty or non-fatty portion. The fatty portions are more tasty. A 500 gram serving goes for KSh. 900 and a 1 KG order comes with a serving of fre...

How to Make Your Own Sparkling Water

Buying your own kit means you need to carbonate it in a fridge or freezer since Carbon Dioxide best dissolves at temperatures around zero.  I have been making my own sparkling water for about a month now.  It started with a love for carbonated water, but being appalled by the price - about KSh. 80 per 700 ml recyclable glass bottle. Sparkling water is sold as a premium drink.  This got me researching into what it really takes to make your own sparkling water. 

Lusaka and Livingstone Zambia to Namibia By Road

Zambia is a pretty large country,  an exciting one and with no shortage of potholes.  For instance, take the direct route from Lusaka - Livingstone to Namibia through the Sesheke - Katima Mulilo border crossing. Typically, roads are either good or tend to have potholes here and there. However, the last 120 kilometres of the Livingstone to Sesheke/Katima Mulilo route are best described as potholes dotted by some road here and there for the just thirty kilometres past Kazungula town, which is also the Zambia - Botswana border crossing.  Trying to drive to Sesheke is so bad it will take you anywhere between 4 hours to 6 hours to navigate those 100 kilometres. You may or may not have your dignity at the end and your vehicle may be in more than one piece.  If you really must use the Sesheke - Katima Mulilo crossing as of December 2022, then take the 900 kilometre longer detour from Lusaka to Mongu then back to Katima Mulilo. It doesn't guarantee you absence of potholes, b...

Beers of Kenya. The Ultimate 2019 Guide

Four years ago, precisely in 2015, I wrote about beer in Kenya in what has gone on to be my most popular post this year with more than 5,000 people reading it. It seems that there is a lot of interest in exploring beer in Kenya, which is understandable. The brewing sector has grown since then and we now have lots of options, which means it is time for another review. Back in 2015, Kenya had one major brewer - EABL/KBL, challenged by Keroche and Sierra which is more of a small volume craft brewer, and arguably Kenya’s first craft brewery. It had also been joined by Brew Bistro which mostly sells its malted stuff at its outlets in Nairobi and later by Sirville, a bar located at Galleria Mall. Sirville was later sold to Brew Bistro and converted to the latter for a while, before shutting down in what is alleged to be a tax dispute.