The Unofficial Mascots of Kenya

Of late, Child molestation & other stories related to pedophilia have been having a large share of Kenyan news. Its quite strange that all this stories seem to have cropped up at almost the same time, as if someone was coordinating the action behind the scenes. Above all, the child sexual molestation & homosexual allegations against Father Kizito , a Kenyan Catholic priest of Italian Origin , seem to be leading the pack and gaining the lions share of such stories.

It has gone to such an extent, that whenever the media is talking about anything paedophilic, Father Kizito's photo is shown, even when the story is unrelated to him or does not mention him.

MUDKIZITO1706C.jpg (JPEG Image, 460x234 pixels)

So to say, the guy is now the unofficial mascot of paedophilics in Kenya.

Still on the news & mascots, Kenyans seem to have an in-built gene that makes them have a high affiliation to overturned petrol tankers. This is apparently in the name of making a living out of the spilt petrol by selling it. Since we all know that petrol is flammable, we can guess what has been the outcome of previous petrol fetching excursions as seen here & here.

Given our athletic prowess, and the speed at which we arrive at spots where tankers overturn, we should adopt a mascot for the country. The mascot should show an overturned fuel tanker on fire, and people around it on fire too. It should also show more people running towards the scene. Below are slight imitations of something similar.

997493821_fee4b6fb31_m.jpg (JPEG Image, 180x240 pixels)

1178298176e0ELV3.jpg (JPEG Image, 300x212 pixels)

The Government should abandon efforts of keeping its suicidal citizens from such scenes. Instead, we should have a Rapid Response Police force, complete with a helicopter,which flies to such scenes. The aim of such a force will be to condone off the area for general safety of the public. It should then allow citizens who would like to fetch the fuel to get into the scene with their buckets. This RRPI(Rapid Response Petroleum Incidences) Police unit should also carry body bags to the scene. They should ensure that every one else other than those interested in fetching the fuel should keep a safe distance.

The above should then be marketed as a tourist attraction, and any one willing to watch the ensuing spectacle should be charged a standard fee. You never know, this may even rival the famed Survivor series, and we may even be approached to include this sport in the Survivor Series.

The petrol fetchers should then be awarded marks based on how much petrol they are able to fetch in the shortest time. Talk of innovation.

This week, make sure you keep close to a petrol tanker to beat the cold.

Comments

A Kenyan in Addis Ababa (Part 3) - Going Out

Merkato - "Africa's largest 'open air' market? This post continues from Part 1 and Part 2 For shopping, Merkato is a much better option compared to Churchill Avenue. Addis residents call it the biggest open air market in Africa. Contrastingly, a more fitting description would be a collection of malls, a much larger version of Eastleigh, but a less congested and cleaner one. The malls each have stalls which deal in a variety of items, from paintings and other artefacts, to leather goods, to imported hardware from China. Some of those missing from Mengistu's reign of red terror. Image taken at the Red Terror museum If looking to shop for textiles, then Shromeda is where you should be headed to. Buying textiles around the Central Business District might see you paying as much as 10 times what they cost. Note the distinction between various textiles - there’s handmade scarves and machine woven ones, same to fabrics. There’s also pure cotton fab

Why Humanity Hasn't Learned From the Covid Pandemic

In 2020, the Covid-19 pandemic began ravaging the world, succeeding the 1918 flu pandemic. Many found it unbelievable that despite all the scientific progress that the world has made since 1918, from composite jets to modern healthcare to going to the moon, the world was still susceptible to a pandemic. Ironically, some of these advancements largely played a role in the spread of the pandemic. Thousands of global flights every hour and air conditioning fanned its spread like a dry wind would in a forest fire. There was even further disbelief in mid-2020 when it became apparent that many countries were even struggling to keep a pandemic in check. Developed countries, supposed to have the best healthcare, suffered the worst outbreaks amidst disagreements on measures such as quarantines and wearing of masks. In yet another twist, technology advancement finally came to our rescue with the speedy development of vaccines, including the safe pioneering of never-tried-before mRNA vaccines

Beers in Kenya: A sober opinion

Note: This is a dated post and has since been mostly passed by events. SAB Miller beers including Castle and Peroni are no longer widely available in Kenya after their exist. Sirville Brewery was bought out by Brew Bistro before being permanently shut in a tax dispute. Kenya is a land of milk, honey, beaches and taxes. I have penned, or is typed, a newer post here . Peroni - One of the best beers in Kenya. Did a taste of canned and bottled Italian, and bottled Tanzanian I like the tangy flavour and body in Tanzanian Peroni. The can is close. Heineken drinkers will like the Italian one. I have had a short beer swigging stint in my life. It has however been long enough for me to share my opinion of Kenyan beer. Interestingly, over the course of sharing such opinions with other drunkards connoisseurs, I have found that we all have different views as to what beer is the best, which one makes you too drunk, or which one gives one free, extra hangover for every hangover you get

Heineken 0.0 Best Alcohol Free Beer

What if you wanted to drink a beer, but without getting drunk? Say, you don’t drink alcohol, or for one reason or another, you are off alcohol. Or perhaps it’s a working day, and you would like to have a cold one in the middle of the day but without all negative effects. Well, you could. Welcome to the world of Alcohol-free beer. Over the last few days, I’ve been enjoying some Heineken 0.0 rather than the typical beers. Now, Heineken 0.0 is a beer, in the malt lager style as the standard Heineken, the only difference being that all the alcohol has been removed - it contains less than 0.03% alcohol, which counts as safe enough even for those who are pregnant or affected by alcohol, according to Heineken. It smells very close to a Heineken, tastes close to a Heineken, and you even keep taking a piss like you would when drinking a Heineken - but you never get drunk. How do they remove all the alcohol? From my research, they brew a standard Heineken beer as normal, then use some form

How to Make Your Own Sparkling Water

Buying your own kit means you need to carbonate it in a fridge or freezer since Carbon Dioxide best dissolves at temperatures around zero. I have been making my own sparkling water for about a month now. It started with a love for carbonated water, but being appalled by the price - about KSh. 80 per 700 ml recyclable glass bottle. Sparkling water is sold as a premium drink. This got me researching into what it really takes to make your own sparkling water.

Dennis Kioko

Search This Blog