The Unofficial Mascots of Kenya

Of late, Child molestation & other stories related to pedophilia have been having a large share of Kenyan news. Its quite strange that all this stories seem to have cropped up at almost the same time, as if someone was coordinating the action behind the scenes. Above all, the child sexual molestation & homosexual allegations against Father Kizito , a Kenyan Catholic priest of Italian Origin , seem to be leading the pack and gaining the lions share of such stories.

It has gone to such an extent, that whenever the media is talking about anything paedophilic, Father Kizito's photo is shown, even when the story is unrelated to him or does not mention him.

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So to say, the guy is now the unofficial mascot of paedophilics in Kenya.

Still on the news & mascots, Kenyans seem to have an in-built gene that makes them have a high affiliation to overturned petrol tankers. This is apparently in the name of making a living out of the spilt petrol by selling it. Since we all know that petrol is flammable, we can guess what has been the outcome of previous petrol fetching excursions as seen here & here.

Given our athletic prowess, and the speed at which we arrive at spots where tankers overturn, we should adopt a mascot for the country. The mascot should show an overturned fuel tanker on fire, and people around it on fire too. It should also show more people running towards the scene. Below are slight imitations of something similar.

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The Government should abandon efforts of keeping its suicidal citizens from such scenes. Instead, we should have a Rapid Response Police force, complete with a helicopter,which flies to such scenes. The aim of such a force will be to condone off the area for general safety of the public. It should then allow citizens who would like to fetch the fuel to get into the scene with their buckets. This RRPI(Rapid Response Petroleum Incidences) Police unit should also carry body bags to the scene. They should ensure that every one else other than those interested in fetching the fuel should keep a safe distance.

The above should then be marketed as a tourist attraction, and any one willing to watch the ensuing spectacle should be charged a standard fee. You never know, this may even rival the famed Survivor series, and we may even be approached to include this sport in the Survivor Series.

The petrol fetchers should then be awarded marks based on how much petrol they are able to fetch in the shortest time. Talk of innovation.

This week, make sure you keep close to a petrol tanker to beat the cold.

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Dar mpaka moro (part 2)

This post has been continued from Dar mpaka moro (part 1)

Exchange Rates: 1 Tsh = 0.58 Kshs , 1 Ksh =17.2 Tshs (note to divide rather than multiply fractions/decimals)

Arusha is the capital of the East African Community, and might be referred to as Tanzania's third most significant city. Arusha also marks the end of Tanzania's dry region, quite small compared to Kenya's expansive Northern and Eastern regions.

You will also notice the presence of Traffic lights at major junctions and round abouts, a difference from Kenya's preferred police controlled junctions. However, motorists will at time jump the lights. Be warned though that Traffic Police might be present and will not hesitate to fine you. Overlapping , a common aspect of road behaviour in Kenya is taken seriously in Tanzania, it may land you a Ksh. 10,000 fine and/or a jail term.

Our bus did not stop over at Arusha, which though is quite a large town. Arusha is on the slopes of Mount Meru, one of Tanzania's m…

Beers in Kenya: A sober opinion

Note: This is a dated post and has since been mostly passed by events. SAB Miller beers including Castle and Peroni are no longer widely available in Kenya after their exist. Sirville Brewery was bought out by Brew Bistro before being permanently shut in a tax dispute. Kenya is a land of milk, honey, beaches and taxes. I have penned, or is typed, a newer post here.

I have had a short beer swigging stint in my life. It has however been long enough for me to share my opinion of Kenyan beer. Interestingly, over the course of sharing such opinions with other drunkards connoisseurs, I have found that we all have different views as to what beer is the best, which one makes you too drunk, or which one gives one free, extra hangover for every hangover you get from it.
For starters, like everyone else, I discovered that beer isn’t as sweet as it looks like in those adverts that show golden barley swaying in breezes, happy men smiling and toasting chilled, foaming glasses of beer as a deep voi…

Coronavirus still proves Africa's Local Manufacturing Problem

For many people in Africa, more so Sub-Saharan Africa, local manufacturing is a concept we are very much in love with. We wish that our countries manufactured 90 percent of what we used locally, and by doing so, our feeling is that our countries would become developed countries.

Of course, manufacturing 90% of all locally consumed products means we would only import 10%. Early in school, we are taught that 1+3=4, and likewise 4-3=1.

Equally, if by manufacturing 90% locally means that we import very little, then the assumption is that importing very little means we manufacture a lot locally. And so, many people call for the banning of imports to promote local manufacturing.

Most governments understand that banning imports is hard, and so what they do is raise taxes on them. But interesting enough, raising taxes on imports does not lead to increased local manufacturing. Instead, it leads to a decrease in local manufacturing.

In 1981, manufacturing contributed to a quarter of sub-Sa…

The bitter story of the downfall of Mumias Sugar company

Have you heard the bitter story of Mumias Sugar?

Regarded by many as Kenya's most successful sugar miller, Mumias Sugar Company was a disaster waiting to happen.

Many pointed out how Mumias Sugar Company was a fortress in the wreck that is Kenya's sugar industry, only unaware that it was just a matter of time. As the old wise men said, "Ukiona cha mwenzako cha nyolewa, tia chako maji".

The proverb means that if you see your neighbour's head getting shaved, your head will soon be undergoing the same - you'd therefore better wet your head for a smoother shave, otherwise you will be forced to undergo a painful, dry, shave.

But what ails Kenya's sugar industry?

The Kenya sugar industry is under legal siege. The typical Kenyan issue of coming up with laws to tackle a problem is evident here.

Many of Kenya's sugar factories are owned by the government, and have slowly declined under mismanagement and corruption. The appointing of political cronies and trib…

Kenyan products: The art of punishing your consumer

This post was written in 2011. Facts may have and indeed have changed - but the conclusion has not.
Peanut butter used to taste so good, but you could not afford it on the pocket money that you got back in school.

A few years later, you have your first real job and your first "disposable" income. You buy your first real tub of peanut butter, probably the first in your life. You feel proud that Dominion peanut butter is manufactured in Ruiru, a town that you visited in your campus days to withdraw your pocket money, it was the nearest bank ATM to your campus.
This was before Equity bank became a mainstream bank and decided to open an ATM in your campus, and before M-Pesa meant that you could withdraw your pocket money next to the kibanda where you had your one meal of the day.
The peanut butter though is a far cry from the peanut butter you remember. It does not taste that good, and turns into some sort of stone barely third way through the jar. The stone is not the kind that …

Dennis Kioko

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