The Unofficial Mascots of Kenya

Of late, Child molestation & other stories related to pedophilia have been having a large share of Kenyan news. Its quite strange that all this stories seem to have cropped up at almost the same time, as if someone was coordinating the action behind the scenes. Above all, the child sexual molestation & homosexual allegations against Father Kizito , a Kenyan Catholic priest of Italian Origin , seem to be leading the pack and gaining the lions share of such stories.

It has gone to such an extent, that whenever the media is talking about anything paedophilic, Father Kizito's photo is shown, even when the story is unrelated to him or does not mention him.

MUDKIZITO1706C.jpg (JPEG Image, 460x234 pixels)

So to say, the guy is now the unofficial mascot of paedophilics in Kenya.

Still on the news & mascots, Kenyans seem to have an in-built gene that makes them have a high affiliation to overturned petrol tankers. This is apparently in the name of making a living out of the spilt petrol by selling it. Since we all know that petrol is flammable, we can guess what has been the outcome of previous petrol fetching excursions as seen here & here.

Given our athletic prowess, and the speed at which we arrive at spots where tankers overturn, we should adopt a mascot for the country. The mascot should show an overturned fuel tanker on fire, and people around it on fire too. It should also show more people running towards the scene. Below are slight imitations of something similar.

997493821_fee4b6fb31_m.jpg (JPEG Image, 180x240 pixels)

1178298176e0ELV3.jpg (JPEG Image, 300x212 pixels)

The Government should abandon efforts of keeping its suicidal citizens from such scenes. Instead, we should have a Rapid Response Police force, complete with a helicopter,which flies to such scenes. The aim of such a force will be to condone off the area for general safety of the public. It should then allow citizens who would like to fetch the fuel to get into the scene with their buckets. This RRPI(Rapid Response Petroleum Incidences) Police unit should also carry body bags to the scene. They should ensure that every one else other than those interested in fetching the fuel should keep a safe distance.

The above should then be marketed as a tourist attraction, and any one willing to watch the ensuing spectacle should be charged a standard fee. You never know, this may even rival the famed Survivor series, and we may even be approached to include this sport in the Survivor Series.

The petrol fetchers should then be awarded marks based on how much petrol they are able to fetch in the shortest time. Talk of innovation.

This week, make sure you keep close to a petrol tanker to beat the cold.

Comments

Miss Kerigo : Why so serious?

Sorry for using a Wikipedia image, but after going through my few photos from Primary school, other than spotting don't-touch-my ankle trousers which exposed my red socks, I also look high in most of them. Miss Kerigo was too serious for photos. Today was a holiday, Eid Mubarak, in honour of our Muslim segment of Kenyans. Notice how the Kibaki government never announces random holidays - this one was announced almost a month in advance. The previous Moi one was a show stopper, throwing employers' plans into disarray as he announced National holidays by the roadside amidst 'traditional dancers' who would later receive wads of cash in envelopes. Imagine some foreigner planning a business meeting in Kenya weeks in advance only for it to fall in a last minute holiday. Back to the holiday, it is a day when one wakes up at 8 Am , only to go back to sleep for an additional 2 hours, oh the bliss. So after doing the above today morning, I woke up, and noticed th...

Beers of Kenya. The Ultimate 2019 Guide

Four years ago, precisely in 2015, I wrote about beer in Kenya in what has gone on to be my most popular post this year with more than 5,000 people reading it. It seems that there is a lot of interest in exploring beer in Kenya, which is understandable. The brewing sector has grown since then and we now have lots of options, which means it is time for another review. Back in 2015, Kenya had one major brewer - EABL/KBL, challenged by Keroche and Sierra which is more of a small volume craft brewer, and arguably Kenya’s first craft brewery. It had also been joined by Brew Bistro which mostly sells its malted stuff at its outlets in Nairobi and later by Sirville, a bar located at Galleria Mall. Sirville was later sold to Brew Bistro and converted to the latter for a while, before shutting down in what is alleged to be a tax dispute.

Kenyan Beers and Craft Beer Reviews for 2025

It's 2025, and you asked for yet another Kenyan beer review. Let's cut straight to the chase - we keep the many stories for once we are drunk. Right? This year we categorize the beers according to breweries. Bila Shaka / Bateleur Flagship is Bila Shaka which is a rich flavoured but bitter IPA with 6% volume. They focus more on quality and experimenting. Home to many pleasantly (sweet per 2 people. I agree) favoured beers like Dire Straits, and for the ladies who love it a lot on the sweeter side, there's Honey Badger. These come in at about 5% or so. Jua Kali isn't as sweet as the above and is a mixed rice and barley beer, for some reason popular in the hot coast. Capitan is their bar beer and is a light-ish, pleasant beer at 4% volume and a good time passer when you're there for a long and good night and have things to do the next day. My favourite local brewer and highly recommended, especially Dire Straits. It's a medium beer, don...

Nairobi's Top 4 Texas Brisket Places Reviewed and Ranked

Brisket on a bed of roast vegetables with barbecue sauce at Texas Brisket, Kikuyu This review has been updated after a number of you suggested I try the brisket at County2County. What's the best place to have Brisket in Nairobi? What's even brisket? Brisket is one of the toughest cuts in a cow, from around the belly. It is so tough that it has to be smoked for about 16 hours to tenderise. But that there, is the catch. 12 to 16 hours later, it is the most flavourful and softest cut you will ever have. So full of flavour and so soft you can pick it apart with your fingers. However, due to the long cooking time involved, only a few places offer brisket in Nairobi. The best so far is Texas Brisket which is located within Kikuyu Railway station. They do the meat for a proper 16 hours, and will usually have a fatty or non-fatty portion. The fatty portions are more tasty. A 500 gram serving goes for KSh. 900 and a 1 KG order comes with a serving of fre...

The bitter story of the downfall of Mumias Sugar company

A spoonful of sugar, but for who? ( Image: Carol Wallis on Flickr ) Have you heard the bitter story of Mumias Sugar? Regarded by many as Kenya's most successful sugar miller, Mumias Sugar Company was a disaster waiting to happen. Many pointed out how Mumias Sugar Company was a fortress in the wreck that is Kenya's sugar industry, only unaware that it was just a matter of time. As the old wise men said, "Ukiona cha mwenzako cha nyolewa, tia chako maji". The proverb means that if you see your neighbour's head getting shaved, your head will soon be undergoing the same - you'd therefore better wet your head for a smoother shave, otherwise you will be forced to undergo a painful, dry, shave. But what ails Kenya's sugar industry? The Kenya sugar industry is under legal siege. The typical Kenyan issue of coming up with laws to tackle a problem is evident here. Many of Kenya's sugar factories are owned by the government, and have slowly decline...

Dennis Kioko

Search This Blog