Skip to main content

Orange River Cellars Wines - Kenya's New Sweet and Dry Wines

There's a new panty remover wine brand in town.


It's from down in South Africa. In some of our geography classes, they taught of the Orange River down in South Africa. If you remember of such a lesson, it might have touched on the VanDerKloof dam on the river, or it's source from the Drakensberg mountains. I'm not sure though, whether they mentioned of the agriculture of the region, which apparently might contribute to your weekend activities.

There have been a host of South African wines, ranging from the boxed Namaquas (Namaqua is a place in South Africa, now you know) to the Mara's (yeah, it's a South African wine) to African's Five Chenin Blanc, which is among my favourite in Kenya.

Making its way into the market is the Orange River Cellars brand of wines. The group has a range of wines including boxed reds, boxed whites and probably the only boxed rose (pronounced rosay for wines) wine I have seen in this market.

Executives from the firm tell me that they also supply wine to other brands, who mostly sell wine, but do not grow the grapes required to produce the same. The grapes are grown in South Africa under surface irrigation, where water is tapped from the Orange River under gravity, without use of machines.

Orange River Cellars consists of 890 grape growers, on 4,500 hectares running 350 kilometres on both banks of the Orange River in South Africa's Nothern Cape Province. They have been growing wine since 1968.

In addition to their boxed wines, which are quite sweet, and which the executives tell me will get you drunk. They also warn that the good wines, might influence you or your friends to undress. Under such circumstances, those partaking the wine should not panic (if you know what I mean) - after all, the Bible has similar reports of wine leading to various states of undress.


Grapevines along the Orange River in South Africa


Orange River Cellars Chenin Blanc 

Other than the sweet box wines (I have never understood why people, and especially ladies love sweet wines - they are sickening sweet!), Orange River Cellars has a range of other wines including dry reds, and my favourite, dry white. This includes the Orange River Chenin Blanc.  I have not had the opportunity to try Orange River Cellar's other wines, but I did try the Chenin Blanc.

Under garments under the influence? 
For the non-French speaking, like me, Blanc is French for white. Chenin is a wine producing region in France, whose grape characteristics can see them produce a wide range of wines from neutral wines to sweet and acidic wines.

The grapes from Chenin in France are also widely grown elsewhere in the world, especially in South Africa. Chenin Blanc is a dry white wine, meaning that it is neither that acidic or sweet. Orange River Cellars' Chenin Blanc has a slight hint of acidity, but is otherwise a dry, great tasting wine.

Another great thing about the Chenin Blancs is that they get you high - come on, let's admit it, we all drink to be drunk, or tipsy, at some point. A bottle of Orange River Cellars' Chenin Blanc will get two of you drunk (hint, hint), or get you drunk on two sittings.

My sample of Chenin Blanc. 
It also comes with a screw cap, eliminating the danger of cork screw stabbing you as you open your umpteenth bottle. Best of all, you don't need a cork screw, just in case you visit her with a bottle, and she can't find the cork screw.

Other Orange River Cellar wines include Colombard, Chardonnay, Viognier, Nouvelle, Shiraz, Cabernet Sauvignon, Cabernet Franc, Petit Verdot, Malbec, Tannat, Muscat d’Alexandrie, Red and White Muscadel.
Orange River Cellars wines are available in a number of outlets in Eastlands and also at Chandarana Supermarkets at the moment. If you have tried any of Orange River Cellars products, do share with us your experiences in the comments below.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Kenyan Beers and Craft Beer Reviews for 2025

It's 2025, and you asked for yet another Kenyan beer review. Let's cut straight to the chase - we keep the many stories for once we are drunk. Right? This year we categorize the beers according to breweries.  Bila Shaka / Bateleur  Flagship is Bila Shaka which is a rich flavoured but bitter IPA with 6% volume.  They focus more on quality and experimenting.  Home to many pleasantly (sweet per 2 people. I agree) favoured beers like Dire Straits, and for the ladies who love it a lot on the sweeter side, there's Honey Badger. These come in at about 5% or so. Jua Kali isn't as sweet as the above and is a mixed rice and barley beer, for some reason popular in the hot coast. Capitan is their bar beer and is a light-ish, pleasant beer at 4% volume and a good time passer when you're there for a long and good night and have things to do the next day. My favourite local brewer and highly recommended, especially Dire Straits. It's a medium beer, don...

WhatsApp Solution: Sorry we were unable to restore any of your message history backup

*This method only works if you are trying to transfer WhatsApp from one phone to another, and have not deleted WhatsApp data or formatted the old phone. If you already uninstalled WhatsApp and deleted data or logged into a different number, it won't work. If you get the “Sorry we were unable to restore any of your message history backup” when trying to restore your WhatsApp messages, trying to restore again from the same backup will probably fail. The issue seems to be caused by an issue with your backup file such as if you repeatedly tried to backup with internet connecting and disconnecting. 

Beers in Kenya: A sober opinion

Note: This is a dated post and has since been mostly passed by events. SAB Miller beers including Castle and Peroni are no longer widely available in Kenya after their exist. Sirville Brewery was bought out by Brew Bistro before being permanently shut in a tax dispute. Kenya is a land of milk, honey, beaches and taxes. I have penned, or is typed, a newer post here .  Peroni - One of the best beers in Kenya. Did a taste of canned and bottled Italian, and bottled Tanzanian I like the tangy flavour and body in Tanzanian Peroni. The can is close. Heineken drinkers will like the Italian one.  I have had a short beer swigging stint in my life. It has however been long enough for me to share my opinion of Kenyan beer. Interestingly, over the course of sharing such opinions with other drunkards connoisseurs,  I have found that we all have different views as to what beer is the best, which one makes you too drunk, or which one gives one free, extra hangover for every ha...

Nairobi's Top 4 Texas Brisket Places Reviewed and Ranked

Brisket on a bed of roast vegetables with barbecue sauce at Texas Brisket, Kikuyu  This review has been updated after a number of you suggested I try the brisket at County2County.  What's the best place to have Brisket in Nairobi? What's even brisket?  Brisket is one of the toughest cuts in a cow, from around the belly. It is so tough that it has to be smoked for about 16 hours to tenderise. But that there, is the catch.  12 to 16 hours later, it is the most flavourful and softest cut you will ever have. So full of flavour and so soft you can pick it apart with your fingers.  However, due to the long cooking time involved, only a few places offer brisket in Nairobi.  The best so far is Texas Brisket which is located within Kikuyu Railway station.  They do the meat for a proper 16 hours, and will usually have a fatty or non-fatty portion. The fatty portions are more tasty. A 500 gram serving goes for KSh. 900 and a 1 KG order comes with a serving of fre...

How to Drive from Kenya, Tanzania, Uganda to Namibia (or South Africa)

  What You Need COMESA Yellow Sticker (Tanzania and Zambia third party insurance. Botswana may require local bond. Namibia doesn’t require insurance) Logbook Processing with KRA Copies of your logbook for temporary import permits in other countries Passport Yellow fever vaccination proof. COVID vaccination proof may be required Warning triangles and 1 litre fire extinguisher Border Crossing Checklist Key: Required items are indicated in brackets next to each country's title  YS – COMESA Yellow Sticker, P – Passport TIPi – Temporary Import Permit entry TIPo – Temporary Import Permit exit LB – Log book LBc – Log book copy Recommended Extras  1 extra full size spare, 2 if your tyres are more than 75% worn Tow strap Tyre Pressure gauge and pressure pump. Enough rest every day. It’s a perseverance marathon, not an exhaustion sprint What you need to know  Seasons - Tanzania largely has same seasons as Kenya besides the cold July-August season....