Skip to main content

8 Types of Press Releases From Hell

Image: Flickr 37Signals' stream
Working in a media house, press releases make up quite a lot of what a journalist reads and works with. That explains why quite a number of us end up with poor grammar - it is so easy to pick up language usage from what we read.

Press releases are meant to pass relevant information to the reader, sand should be targeted. The keyword here is relevant. Sadly, press releases are not meant your companies feel good, they can pee on themselves for that warm feeling. Releases thus are of no value if the targeted reader doesn’t get much value from them, which means that your client is failing in delivering value.

Press releases also account for many the hardships journalists face. If you don’t believe me, below is a collection of characteristics exhibited in press releases send in from hell.

  1. The title is longer than this paragraph. Such press releases look as if someone converted the first paragraph into a title. I mean, there is nothing wrong with a 20 word title, right?

  1. Our company is the first of its kind, the best,  the leading integrated provider and the only one to come up with this integrated innovation. Lots of flowery, difficult adjectives give you a clear understanding of what we do and our products. You love us so much, and you will love us more as we blow our own horns off this high pedestal.

  1. An image is worth 1,000 words. Including an image with our press release will make it quite lengthy, seeing that that’s an extra 1,000 words. In any case, the press love corresponding with us and will take time off their barely existent schedule to request for a photo.

We may however, at times, fell sufficiently philanthropic to include a photo of our client. In such cases, the photo is to be made smaller than a passport photo, in such a way that it just gives a hint of what in the photo and when published in print, you can count the pixels, hence come up with about 12 pixels which we shall refer to as megapixels.

  1. Title. We couldn’t think up of an appropriate title of our press release, hence the title “press release.” Journalists are good at these things, and we are sure they will come up with a title.

  1. The Christmas Greetings Press Release: This press release intends to pass what would be exciting news, such as the stuff that makes press releases sound like they come from hell. Instead, it mentions that in passing and dwells on  feel good messages from the  CEO and President. Readers often get the overall feeling that they were wished a merry Christmas.

  1. Repetition. Mr. Dennis Kioko has today announced the start of an initiative dubbed PRESS RELEASES FROM HELL. Speaking at the launch of PRESS RELEASES FROM HELL ,  Mr. Dennis Kioko announced that PRESS RELEASES FROM HELL is targeted at firms including PR practitioners that take Grammar rules for granted. PRESS RELEASES FROM HELL  is the first of its kind …..

  1. The Forever Title: Press Releases are forever, readers love our firm so much that they will read the article regardless of a title that reads Press Release set to transform Africa.

  1. The Nightly Press Releases. Software developers will tell you of nightly software builds, which are test versions they release every day to test for what they coded. However, you never get nightly updates to your Firefox or Chrome browser. Similarly, unless you really have valuable information, nightly press releases tend to be more of noise, which will see you been ignored when you actually have something to say. Only talk if you have something to say, and don’t go desperately looking for something to say.

Overall, one on one interviews with a firm are way better than press releases. However, such are also useless if “I cannot comment on that” is dominant phrase on the interview. An advert works way better in such situations.

There are billion of pages on the Internet. People visit and spend their time on those with information.




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Kenyan Beers and Craft Beer Reviews for 2025

It's 2025, and you asked for yet another Kenyan beer review. Let's cut straight to the chase - we keep the many stories for once we are drunk. Right? This year we categorize the beers according to breweries.  Bila Shaka / Bateleur  Flagship is Bila Shaka which is a rich flavoured but bitter IPA with 6% volume.  They focus more on quality and experimenting.  Home to many pleasantly (sweet per 2 people. I agree) favoured beers like Dire Straits, and for the ladies who love it a lot on the sweeter side, there's Honey Badger. These come in at about 5% or so. Jua Kali isn't as sweet as the above and is a mixed rice and barley beer, for some reason popular in the hot coast. Capitan is their bar beer and is a light-ish, pleasant beer at 4% volume and a good time passer when you're there for a long and good night and have things to do the next day. My favourite local brewer and highly recommended, especially Dire Straits. It's a medium beer, don...
Post a Comment
Read more

RE: Appointment as Ambassador of the Republic of Kenya to The United States of America

Image: South African marriage courtesy The Telegraph ( http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/africaandindianocean/southafrica/6237922/South-African-man-marries-4-women-at-same-ceremony.html  ) Dennis Kioko, Address Pending. President to-be-elect, Republic of Kenya, Address Pending, Again. Dear Sirs/Madams, RE: Appointment as Ambassador of the Republic of Kenya to The United States of America  I would like to draw your attention to news reported across various sections of the press (way behind your daily portraits on the front page) that several Missions to the country are equivalently vacant with the duty of appointed high commissioners having expired. This includes Kenya's High Commission to the United States of America. Among your first duties, having assumed duty as Kenya's president, duly elected or otherwise, will be to appoint commissioners to these missions. It is in this regard that I highly ...
Post a Comment
Read more

In Kenya, its everybody's turn to eat

Kenya, is a third world country facing lots of problems from a capital city with water shortages, national blackouts, crime to bloody elections. A lot of explanations have been fronted as to the root of our problems. The politicians have taken almost all the blame, closely followed by our tribes and then other smaller reasons. Careful examination of all of this roots will reveal that you are far from the truth. As it has been pointed out, Kenya is a capitalist state, and before you jump to a conclusion that that is where the problem lies, it is not. Capitalism merely rewards the smartest and those who have the capital.  In capitalism, every one aims for a chance to be successful, and more often than not, aim to out succeed the rest. Well, aiming to out succeed the others is not a problem, but like drugs, can become a very dangerous habit. Like a junkie who will go to any level to get the next fix, people aiming to be successful can go to any level to reach such heights. The result ...
2 comments
Read more

Eastleigh, the Shopping District of Nairobi

It reached a point where I was getting envious, envious of the Nairobi beggars , the ones who are disabled, mostly amputees. I was not envious of their begging, but more of their begging while dressed in pretty cool garments, more so designer jeans. You see, you cannot beg in designer jeans and expect people to listen to your plight when they are dressed in garments that are almost wearing thin. So after been approached by several beggars who I felt were better dressed than I was, I decided that it was time to upgrade my wardrobe. The first place to look was my dirt-cheap stockist in downtown Nairobi, but I found that when it came to jeans, the stock reminded me of some jeans that I once saw when I was in primary school, popularly known as Savco. Remembering a story I had been told about Eastleigh having a large enough stock of textiles sold at a subsidized price(apparently)by pirates , I decided to pay the place a visit. The place, might be thse source of the billions of dollars ...
2 comments
Read more

Nairobi's Top 4 Texas Brisket Places Reviewed and Ranked

Brisket on a bed of roast vegetables with barbecue sauce at Texas Brisket, Kikuyu  This review has been updated after a number of you suggested I try the brisket at County2County.  What's the best place to have Brisket in Nairobi? What's even brisket?  Brisket is one of the toughest cuts in a cow, from around the belly. It is so tough that it has to be smoked for about 16 hours to tenderise. But that there, is the catch.  12 to 16 hours later, it is the most flavourful and softest cut you will ever have. So full of flavour and so soft you can pick it apart with your fingers.  However, due to the long cooking time involved, only a few places offer brisket in Nairobi.  The best so far is Texas Brisket which is located within Kikuyu Railway station.  They do the meat for a proper 16 hours, and will usually have a fatty or non-fatty portion. The fatty portions are more tasty. A 500 gram serving goes for KSh. 900 and a 1 KG order comes with a serving of fre...
Post a Comment
Read more