8 Types of Press Releases From Hell

Working in a media house, press releases make up quite a lot of what a journalist reads and works with. That explains why quite a number of us end up with poor grammar - it is so easy to pick up language usage from what we read.

Press releases are meant to pass relevant information to the reader, sand should be targeted. The keyword here is relevant. Sadly, press releases are not meant your companies feel good, they can pee on themselves for that warm feeling. Releases thus are of no value if the targeted reader doesn’t get much value from them, which means that your client is failing in delivering value.

Press releases also account for many the hardships journalists face. If you don’t believe me, below is a collection of characteristics exhibited in press releases send in from hell.

The title is longer than this paragraph. Such press releases look as if someone converted the first paragraph into a title. I mean, there is nothing wrong with a 20 word title, right?

Our company is the first of its kind, the best, the leading integrated provider and the only one to come up with this integrated innovation. Lots of flowery, difficult adjectives give you a clear understanding of what we do and our products. You love us so much, and you will love us more as we blow our own horns off this high pedestal.

An image is worth 1,000 words. Including an image with our press release will make it quite lengthy, seeing that that’s an extra 1,000 words. In any case, the press love corresponding with us and will take time off their barely existent schedule to request for a photo.

We may however, at times, fell sufficiently philanthropic to include a photo of our client. In such cases, the photo is to be made smaller than a passport photo, in such a way that it just gives a hint of what in the photo and when published in print, you can count the pixels, hence come up with about 12 pixels which we shall refer to as megapixels.

Title. We couldn’t think up of an appropriate title of our press release, hence the title “press release.” Journalists are good at these things, and we are sure they will come up with a title.

The Christmas Greetings Press Release: This press release intends to pass what would be exciting news, such as the stuff that makes press releases sound like they come from hell. Instead, it mentions that in passing and dwells on feel good messages from the CEO and President. Readers often get the overall feeling that they were wished a merry Christmas.

Repetition. Mr. Dennis Kioko has today announced the start of an initiative dubbed PRESS RELEASES FROM HELL. Speaking at the launch of PRESS RELEASES FROM HELL , Mr. Dennis Kioko announced that PRESS RELEASES FROM HELL is targeted at firms including PR practitioners that take Grammar rules for granted. PRESS RELEASES FROM HELL is the first of its kind …..

The Forever Title: Press Releases are forever, readers love our firm so much that they will read the article regardless of a title that reads Press Release set to transform Africa.

The Nightly Press Releases. Software developers will tell you of nightly software builds, which are test versions they release every day to test for what they coded. However, you never get nightly updates to your Firefox or Chrome browser. Similarly, unless you really have valuable information, nightly press releases tend to be more of noise, which will see you been ignored when you actually have something to say. Only talk if you have something to say, and don’t go desperately looking for something to say.

Overall, one on one interviews with a firm are way better than press releases. However, such are also useless if “I cannot comment on that” is dominant phrase on the interview. An advert works way better in such situations.

There are billion of pages on the Internet. People visit and spend their time on those with information.

Comments

Beers in Kenya: A sober opinion

I have had a short beer swigging stint in my life. It has however been long enough for me to share my opinions of Kenyan beer. Interestingly, over the course of sharing such opinions with other drunkards connoisseurs, I have found that we all have different views as to what beer is the best, which one makes you too drunk, or which one gives a free, extra hangover for every hangover you get from it.
For starters, like everyone else, I discovered that beer isn’t as sweet as it looks like in those adverts that show golden barley swaying in breezes, happy men smiling and toasting chilled, foaming glasses of beer as a deep voice does some narration in the background.
Beer is bitter! Now, it turns out beer is intentionally made bitter. See, beer shares the same ingredients as bread. The major difference is that bread isn't fermented. Bread is sweet, so why isn't beer sweet?

How much Nairobi Residents Pay in Rent

In my last post, I explained how difficult for people looking for housing in Nairobi. The main challenge is lack of information. On this front, I began a project that will collect some information, which will provide some start for those looking for housing in different areas in the city.

In the last one month, 33 people have given their responses.

Interesting enough, majority of the respondents, 16 to be exact, live in 2 bedrooms. This may mean that either 2 bedrooms are the most popular rentals in the city, or the most available. Only one way to find out - if you live in a 2 bedroom rental, here’s another survey.

10 of those who filled in the survey live in self contained 1 bedrooms.

5 people have 3 bedrooms, including 2 in Kikuyu, 1 in Ngong and Lower Kabete each, and another around Langata/National Park.

1 respondent has a 4 bedroom, while another one has a self contained bedsitter.
Pricing

Turning to pricing, the price of 1 bedrooms ranges from Kshs. 10,000 in Rongai to Kshs…

Kenyan products: The art of punishing your consumer

Peanut butter used to taste so good, but you could not afford it on the pocket money that you got back in school. A few years later, you have your first real job and your first "disposable" income. You buy your first real tub of peanut butter , probably the first in your life. You feel proud that Dominion peanut butter is manufactured in Ruiru, a town that you visited in your campus days to withdraw your pocket money , it was the nearest bank ATM to your campus. This was before Equity bank became a mainstream bank and decided to open an ATM in your campus, and before M-Pesa meant that you could withdraw your pocket money next to the kibanda where you had your one meal of the day.

The peanut butter though is a far cry form the peanut butter you remember. It does not taste that good, and turns into some sort of stone barely before you are a third way through the jar. The stone is not a kind that you learned about in your Geography classes though.

Dejectedly, you decide not …

Why Kenyans love Kigali (Part 2)

See part 1 of why Kenyans Love Kigali, which this articl is a continuation.

In my previous post on why Kenyans love Kigali, or Rwanda for that matter, I had mentioned on the security of the city. The post however widely dealt with the feel and appearance of the city, and a little bit of the country.

Both of my visits to Kigali have been through the airport, though you may opt for a more adventurous journey by road. Getting to Kigali then required a Kenyan passport, but no visa. Now, all you need to go through both Uganda and Rwandan borders are a National Identity Card.

For travel by air, Rwandair is a cheaper option for Kenyans as compared to our national flag carrier, Kenya Airways. Ironically, most other Africans get to Kigali via Kenya Airways, thought most Kenyans will opt for the cheaper Rwandair. The flights are comfortable and the service on board the 1 hour 15 minutes flight is great.

Depending on the weather, your landing can be quite full of turbulence in Kigali. The airpor…

A ride on the new Nairobi Commuter Railway from Imara Daima Railway Station

Foreplay Today morning found me walking to the bus stop as usual. This usually involves crossing the highway we call Mombasa Road, where we don't have foot bridges. Perhaps, there would be foot bridges if the government did not have to spend money on designing logos, branding stuff and Mercedes Benzes for visitors.
Government aside, I usually check if there are lots of people at my bus stop, and if so, do a 10 minute walk to the next one. See, our bus stop has too many people at peak hours which means you have to spent 30 minutes there or start off your day with a short run, after a bus.
Today, it did look busy, they didn't appear to be many people, but there were police officers. A lorry carrying ballast had tipped over by the side of the road, and this was slowing down traffic, probably people stopping by to watch. 3 officers, these are too many for an understaffed force (in a country where dozens of them will line up the highways when the president is passing by?). Mayb…

Dennis Kioko

Search This Blog