Skip to main content

8 Types of Press Releases From Hell

Image: Flickr 37Signals' stream
Working in a media house, press releases make up quite a lot of what a journalist reads and works with. That explains why quite a number of us end up with poor grammar - it is so easy to pick up language usage from what we read.

Press releases are meant to pass relevant information to the reader, sand should be targeted. The keyword here is relevant. Sadly, press releases are not meant your companies feel good, they can pee on themselves for that warm feeling. Releases thus are of no value if the targeted reader doesn’t get much value from them, which means that your client is failing in delivering value.

Press releases also account for many the hardships journalists face. If you don’t believe me, below is a collection of characteristics exhibited in press releases send in from hell.

  1. The title is longer than this paragraph. Such press releases look as if someone converted the first paragraph into a title. I mean, there is nothing wrong with a 20 word title, right?

  1. Our company is the first of its kind, the best,  the leading integrated provider and the only one to come up with this integrated innovation. Lots of flowery, difficult adjectives give you a clear understanding of what we do and our products. You love us so much, and you will love us more as we blow our own horns off this high pedestal.

  1. An image is worth 1,000 words. Including an image with our press release will make it quite lengthy, seeing that that’s an extra 1,000 words. In any case, the press love corresponding with us and will take time off their barely existent schedule to request for a photo.

We may however, at times, fell sufficiently philanthropic to include a photo of our client. In such cases, the photo is to be made smaller than a passport photo, in such a way that it just gives a hint of what in the photo and when published in print, you can count the pixels, hence come up with about 12 pixels which we shall refer to as megapixels.

  1. Title. We couldn’t think up of an appropriate title of our press release, hence the title “press release.” Journalists are good at these things, and we are sure they will come up with a title.

  1. The Christmas Greetings Press Release: This press release intends to pass what would be exciting news, such as the stuff that makes press releases sound like they come from hell. Instead, it mentions that in passing and dwells on  feel good messages from the  CEO and President. Readers often get the overall feeling that they were wished a merry Christmas.

  1. Repetition. Mr. Dennis Kioko has today announced the start of an initiative dubbed PRESS RELEASES FROM HELL. Speaking at the launch of PRESS RELEASES FROM HELL ,  Mr. Dennis Kioko announced that PRESS RELEASES FROM HELL is targeted at firms including PR practitioners that take Grammar rules for granted. PRESS RELEASES FROM HELL  is the first of its kind …..

  1. The Forever Title: Press Releases are forever, readers love our firm so much that they will read the article regardless of a title that reads Press Release set to transform Africa.

  1. The Nightly Press Releases. Software developers will tell you of nightly software builds, which are test versions they release every day to test for what they coded. However, you never get nightly updates to your Firefox or Chrome browser. Similarly, unless you really have valuable information, nightly press releases tend to be more of noise, which will see you been ignored when you actually have something to say. Only talk if you have something to say, and don’t go desperately looking for something to say.

Overall, one on one interviews with a firm are way better than press releases. However, such are also useless if “I cannot comment on that” is dominant phrase on the interview. An advert works way better in such situations.

There are billion of pages on the Internet. People visit and spend their time on those with information.




Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Beers in Kenya: A sober opinion

Note: This is a dated post and has since been mostly passed by events. SAB Miller beers including Castle and Peroni are no longer widely available in Kenya after their exist. Sirville Brewery was bought out by Brew Bistro before being permanently shut in a tax dispute. Kenya is a land of milk, honey, beaches and taxes. I have penned, or is typed, a newer post here .  Peroni - One of the best beers in Kenya. Did a taste of canned and bottled Italian, and bottled Tanzanian I like the tangy flavour and body in Tanzanian Peroni. The can is close. Heineken drinkers will like the Italian one.  I have had a short beer swigging stint in my life. It has however been long enough for me to share my opinion of Kenyan beer. Interestingly, over the course of sharing such opinions with other drunkards connoisseurs,  I have found that we all have different views as to what beer is the best, which one makes you too drunk, or which one gives one free, extra hangover for every ha...

Beers of Kenya. The Ultimate 2019 Guide

Four years ago, precisely in 2015, I wrote about beer in Kenya in what has gone on to be my most popular post this year with more than 5,000 people reading it. It seems that there is a lot of interest in exploring beer in Kenya, which is understandable. The brewing sector has grown since then and we now have lots of options, which means it is time for another review. Back in 2015, Kenya had one major brewer - EABL/KBL, challenged by Keroche and Sierra which is more of a small volume craft brewer, and arguably Kenya’s first craft brewery. It had also been joined by Brew Bistro which mostly sells its malted stuff at its outlets in Nairobi and later by Sirville, a bar located at Galleria Mall. Sirville was later sold to Brew Bistro and converted to the latter for a while, before shutting down in what is alleged to be a tax dispute.

Visiting Watamu

Getting to Watamu: Flight to Malindi Airport. Jambojet flies here and so do other airlines from Wilson. You'll then need a Cab to Watamu (KSh. 1,700 to KSh. 2,000 - many apps are inaccurate) or matatu just outside the airport (KSh. 100) SGR to Mombasa, then shuttle to Watamu. There are about 2 regular shuttles and they charge KSh. 1,500 to KSh. 2,000 one way  Bus to Watamu. Tahmeed and other buses operate regular schedules to Total Watamu  Drive: It's faster branching through Mariakani to Kaloleni then to Kilifi. The route through Tsavo is not any faster and has park fees. Takes 9 hours  Things to do  Beach Sunbathing : Watamu has some of the world's best beaches, with white sand. The left side from Watamu Village has a bay with shallow water during low tide,  you can wade and swim in the ocean even if you don't know how to swim! Ocean is warm in July - August but very windy. Watamu beaches have lots of seaweed but this shouldn't deter yo...

Nairobi's Top 4 Texas Brisket Places Reviewed and Ranked

Brisket on a bed of roast vegetables with barbecue sauce at Texas Brisket, Kikuyu  This review has been updated after a number of you suggested I try the brisket at County2County.  What's the best place to have Brisket in Nairobi? What's even brisket?  Brisket is one of the toughest cuts in a cow, from around the belly. It is so tough that it has to be smoked for about 16 hours to tenderise. But that there, is the catch.  12 to 16 hours later, it is the most flavourful and softest cut you will ever have. So full of flavour and so soft you can pick it apart with your fingers.  However, due to the long cooking time involved, only a few places offer brisket in Nairobi.  The best so far is Texas Brisket which is located within Kikuyu Railway station.  They do the meat for a proper 16 hours, and will usually have a fatty or non-fatty portion. The fatty portions are more tasty. A 500 gram serving goes for KSh. 900 and a 1 KG order comes with a serving of fre...

Rather than positivity, Kenya needs to face its problems

Traffic between Thika and Nairobi as a result of Highway Bumps and reliance on the road  as the sole link between the two towns. Arguing the traffic is better than in Lagos or encouraging people to use the road earlier doesn't solve the problem A fierce debate springs up every now and then on development in Kenya, or in other developing countries. There are two schools of thought - those who argue that a lot needs to be done and what is there is barely much, and those who feel a lot of progress has been made. Those who focus on the progress will point out that at least Kenya (or another country) is better than its neighbouring or other countries in its status when it comes to some aspect such as roads, or education. While this is true, it however presents a lot of danger as we will discuss shortly.