Skip to main content

8 Types of Press Releases From Hell

Image: Flickr 37Signals' stream
Working in a media house, press releases make up quite a lot of what a journalist reads and works with. That explains why quite a number of us end up with poor grammar - it is so easy to pick up language usage from what we read.

Press releases are meant to pass relevant information to the reader, sand should be targeted. The keyword here is relevant. Sadly, press releases are not meant your companies feel good, they can pee on themselves for that warm feeling. Releases thus are of no value if the targeted reader doesn’t get much value from them, which means that your client is failing in delivering value.

Press releases also account for many the hardships journalists face. If you don’t believe me, below is a collection of characteristics exhibited in press releases send in from hell.

  1. The title is longer than this paragraph. Such press releases look as if someone converted the first paragraph into a title. I mean, there is nothing wrong with a 20 word title, right?

  1. Our company is the first of its kind, the best,  the leading integrated provider and the only one to come up with this integrated innovation. Lots of flowery, difficult adjectives give you a clear understanding of what we do and our products. You love us so much, and you will love us more as we blow our own horns off this high pedestal.

  1. An image is worth 1,000 words. Including an image with our press release will make it quite lengthy, seeing that that’s an extra 1,000 words. In any case, the press love corresponding with us and will take time off their barely existent schedule to request for a photo.

We may however, at times, fell sufficiently philanthropic to include a photo of our client. In such cases, the photo is to be made smaller than a passport photo, in such a way that it just gives a hint of what in the photo and when published in print, you can count the pixels, hence come up with about 12 pixels which we shall refer to as megapixels.

  1. Title. We couldn’t think up of an appropriate title of our press release, hence the title “press release.” Journalists are good at these things, and we are sure they will come up with a title.

  1. The Christmas Greetings Press Release: This press release intends to pass what would be exciting news, such as the stuff that makes press releases sound like they come from hell. Instead, it mentions that in passing and dwells on  feel good messages from the  CEO and President. Readers often get the overall feeling that they were wished a merry Christmas.

  1. Repetition. Mr. Dennis Kioko has today announced the start of an initiative dubbed PRESS RELEASES FROM HELL. Speaking at the launch of PRESS RELEASES FROM HELL ,  Mr. Dennis Kioko announced that PRESS RELEASES FROM HELL is targeted at firms including PR practitioners that take Grammar rules for granted. PRESS RELEASES FROM HELL  is the first of its kind …..

  1. The Forever Title: Press Releases are forever, readers love our firm so much that they will read the article regardless of a title that reads Press Release set to transform Africa.

  1. The Nightly Press Releases. Software developers will tell you of nightly software builds, which are test versions they release every day to test for what they coded. However, you never get nightly updates to your Firefox or Chrome browser. Similarly, unless you really have valuable information, nightly press releases tend to be more of noise, which will see you been ignored when you actually have something to say. Only talk if you have something to say, and don’t go desperately looking for something to say.

Overall, one on one interviews with a firm are way better than press releases. However, such are also useless if “I cannot comment on that” is dominant phrase on the interview. An advert works way better in such situations.

There are billion of pages on the Internet. People visit and spend their time on those with information.




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

WhatsApp Solution: Sorry we were unable to restore any of your message history backup

*This method only works if you are trying to transfer WhatsApp from one phone to another, and have not deleted WhatsApp data or formatted the old phone. If you already uninstalled WhatsApp and deleted data or logged into a different number, it won't work. If you get the “Sorry we were unable to restore any of your message history backup” when trying to restore your WhatsApp messages, trying to restore again from the same backup will probably fail. The issue seems to be caused by an issue with your backup file such as if you repeatedly tried to backup with internet connecting and disconnecting. 
Post a Comment
Read more

Why Humanity Hasn't Learned From the Covid Pandemic

In 2020, the Covid-19 pandemic began ravaging the world, succeeding the 1918 flu pandemic.  Many found it unbelievable that despite all the scientific progress that the world has made since 1918, from composite jets to modern healthcare to going to the moon, the world was still susceptible to a pandemic.  Ironically, some of these advancements largely played a role in the spread of the pandemic. Thousands of global flights every hour and air conditioning fanned its spread like a dry wind would in a forest fire.  There was even further disbelief in mid-2020 when it became apparent that many countries were even struggling to keep a pandemic in check. Developed countries, supposed to have the best healthcare, suffered the worst outbreaks amidst disagreements on measures such as quarantines and wearing of masks.  In yet another twist, technology advancement finally came to our rescue with the speedy development of vaccines, including the safe pioneering of never-tried-b...
Post a Comment
Read more

Nairobi's Top 4 Texas Brisket Places Reviewed and Ranked

Brisket on a bed of roast vegetables with barbecue sauce at Texas Brisket, Kikuyu  This review has been updated after a number of you suggested I try the brisket at County2County.  What's the best place to have Brisket in Nairobi? What's even brisket?  Brisket is one of the toughest cuts in a cow, from around the belly. It is so tough that it has to be smoked for about 16 hours to tenderise. But that there, is the catch.  12 to 16 hours later, it is the most flavourful and softest cut you will ever have. So full of flavour and so soft you can pick it apart with your fingers.  However, due to the long cooking time involved, only a few places offer brisket in Nairobi.  The best so far is Texas Brisket which is located within Kikuyu Railway station.  They do the meat for a proper 16 hours, and will usually have a fatty or non-fatty portion. The fatty portions are more tasty. A 500 gram serving goes for KSh. 900 and a 1 KG order comes with a serving of fre...
Post a Comment
Read more

How to Drive from Kenya, Tanzania, Uganda to Namibia (or South Africa)

  What You Need COMESA Yellow Sticker (Tanzania and Zambia third party insurance. Botswana may require local bond. Namibia doesn’t require insurance) Logbook Processing with KRA Copies of your logbook for temporary import permits in other countries Passport Yellow fever vaccination proof. COVID vaccination proof may be required Warning triangles and 1 litre fire extinguisher Border Crossing Checklist Key: Required items are indicated in brackets next to each country's title  YS – COMESA Yellow Sticker, P – Passport TIPi – Temporary Import Permit entry TIPo – Temporary Import Permit exit LB – Log book LBc – Log book copy Recommended Extras  1 extra full size spare, 2 if your tyres are more than 75% worn Tow strap Tyre Pressure gauge and pressure pump. Enough rest every day. It’s a perseverance marathon, not an exhaustion sprint What you need to know  Seasons - Tanzania largely has same seasons as Kenya besides the cold July-August season....
Post a Comment
Read more

Visiting Watamu

Getting to Watamu: Flight to Malindi Airport. Jambojet flies here and so do other airlines from Wilson. You'll then need a Cab to Watamu (KSh. 1,700 to KSh. 2,000 - many apps are inaccurate) or matatu just outside the airport (KSh. 100) SGR to Mombasa, then shuttle to Watamu. There are about 2 regular shuttles and they charge KSh. 1,500 to KSh. 2,000 one way  Bus to Watamu. Tahmeed and other buses operate regular schedules to Total Watamu  Drive: It's faster branching through Mariakani to Kaloleni then to Kilifi. The route through Tsavo is not any faster and has park fees. Takes 9 hours  Things to do  Beach Sunbathing : Watamu has some of the world's best beaches, with white sand. The left side from Watamu Village has a bay with shallow water during low tide,  you can wade and swim in the ocean even if you don't know how to swim! Ocean is warm in July - August but very windy. Watamu beaches have lots of seaweed but this shouldn't deter yo...
Post a Comment
Read more