Skip to main content

Shitting Allowances, Sitting Allowances & Committees

This country seems to have a lot of problem with shitting allowances. A lot of our problems may be as a direct result of these shitting allowances.

 

Starting with the Prime minister, he was at it last week complaining about the absence of shitting allowances. He was quite angry at the lack of a shitting allowance at the podium, together with lack of an ample walking allowance. Apparently, he wanted to be provided with a shitting allowance like the president who has ample shitting allowance at the back of the podium. He was so angry that he started addressing the residents about the "kamkeka" and "bila choo". He forgot that the residents he was addressing did not have any shitting allowance, or any other allowances such as food.

 

As we wonder why the provincial administration did not provide the Prime Minister with a shitting allowance, let us question ourselves why the prime minister was in dire need of such an allowance. Let us form a commission of inquiry, and give them hefty sitting allowances to investigate the PMs dire need. We seriously need to investigate what our dear PM had for lunch, or breakfast, such that when he arrived for the meeting, the first thing he noticed was the lack of the shitting allowance. We may also task the committee with finding out why the PM was longing for a carpet. Maybe the PM thought that he was at his native Kibera  constituency  and he was afraid of stepping on human excreta, abundant in some sections of the constituency due to a toilet shortage.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

 

As we said, the committee will earn high allowances just like other committees in the country do. My local town council has an excellent track record of the various committees that it has formed, and the much allowances that they have earned. But that is just a drop in the ocean, compared to the many committees that we have formed since independence o investigate our various wrong doings and preventable disasters. The committees are meant to be an avenue to use up the sitting allowances that are allocated in our budgets. One of our national pastimes is the creation of such committees. We should form a committee to investigate the various committees that have existed since the white man gave us independence which has enabled us to exercise our committee forming rights.

While at  it, we should also form another committee to investigate why Kenyans are very talented in looting public coffers. Our talent is so massive that we might never run out of people to replace our politicians who we call evil. We are good at calling our politicians synonyms of the devil, but go on to wonder why that friend of yours who is the town council or public hospital clerk is not reaping from helping people around the contracts at a fee. Given the chance, you would make sure that you earn more than your daily cut from your employer through irregular means. It seems that we will need foreigners or foreign means to tame our massive national looting talent. The Chinese might do, given that they dispatch people who exercise such talents to the next world.

It is the same talent that the first president of our beloved country exercised in the name of reaping the fruits of our fight-for-freedom. It did not bother the guy that those who actually fought our way to freedom did not have a piece of land, nor enough financial capital. This did not stop us from naming him one of our best heroes, if not the best. Watching TV the other day, I heard someone saying that the reasons that our country has got many problems is because of the curse left by the disgruntled freedom fighters. We should also form another committee to investigate those claims, and remember to pay them hefty sitting allowances for their spectacular job.

Hope that you have a great week, and that the PM will observe his diet before visiting areas that suffer from inadequate shitting allowances.

 

 

 

 

                                                                                                                                                                                     

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Beers in Kenya: A sober opinion

Note: This is a dated post and has since been mostly passed by events. SAB Miller beers including Castle and Peroni are no longer widely available in Kenya after their exist. Sirville Brewery was bought out by Brew Bistro before being permanently shut in a tax dispute. Kenya is a land of milk, honey, beaches and taxes. I have penned, or is typed, a newer post here .  Peroni - One of the best beers in Kenya. Did a taste of canned and bottled Italian, and bottled Tanzanian I like the tangy flavour and body in Tanzanian Peroni. The can is close. Heineken drinkers will like the Italian one.  I have had a short beer swigging stint in my life. It has however been long enough for me to share my opinion of Kenyan beer. Interestingly, over the course of sharing such opinions with other drunkards connoisseurs,  I have found that we all have different views as to what beer is the best, which one makes you too drunk, or which one gives one free, extra hangover for every ha...
Post a Comment
Read more

Nairobi's Top 4 Texas Brisket Places Reviewed and Ranked

Brisket on a bed of roast vegetables with barbecue sauce at Texas Brisket, Kikuyu  This review has been updated after a number of you suggested I try the brisket at County2County.  What's the best place to have Brisket in Nairobi? What's even brisket?  Brisket is one of the toughest cuts in a cow, from around the belly. It is so tough that it has to be smoked for about 16 hours to tenderise. But that there, is the catch.  12 to 16 hours later, it is the most flavourful and softest cut you will ever have. So full of flavour and so soft you can pick it apart with your fingers.  However, due to the long cooking time involved, only a few places offer brisket in Nairobi.  The best so far is Texas Brisket which is located within Kikuyu Railway station.  They do the meat for a proper 16 hours, and will usually have a fatty or non-fatty portion. The fatty portions are more tasty. A 500 gram serving goes for KSh. 900 and a 1 KG order comes with a serving of fre...
Post a Comment
Read more

Why Humanity Hasn't Learned From the Covid Pandemic

In 2020, the Covid-19 pandemic began ravaging the world, succeeding the 1918 flu pandemic.  Many found it unbelievable that despite all the scientific progress that the world has made since 1918, from composite jets to modern healthcare to going to the moon, the world was still susceptible to a pandemic.  Ironically, some of these advancements largely played a role in the spread of the pandemic. Thousands of global flights every hour and air conditioning fanned its spread like a dry wind would in a forest fire.  There was even further disbelief in mid-2020 when it became apparent that many countries were even struggling to keep a pandemic in check. Developed countries, supposed to have the best healthcare, suffered the worst outbreaks amidst disagreements on measures such as quarantines and wearing of masks.  In yet another twist, technology advancement finally came to our rescue with the speedy development of vaccines, including the safe pioneering of never-tried-b...
Post a Comment
Read more

Visiting Watamu

Getting to Watamu: Flight to Malindi Airport. Jambojet flies here and so do other airlines from Wilson. You'll then need a Cab to Watamu (KSh. 1,700 to KSh. 2,000 - many apps are inaccurate) or matatu just outside the airport (KSh. 100) SGR to Mombasa, then shuttle to Watamu. There are about 2 regular shuttles and they charge KSh. 1,500 to KSh. 2,000 one way  Bus to Watamu. Tahmeed and other buses operate regular schedules to Total Watamu  Drive: It's faster branching through Mariakani to Kaloleni then to Kilifi. The route through Tsavo is not any faster and has park fees. Takes 9 hours  Things to do  Beach Sunbathing : Watamu has some of the world's best beaches, with white sand. The left side from Watamu Village has a bay with shallow water during low tide,  you can wade and swim in the ocean even if you don't know how to swim! Ocean is warm in July - August but very windy. Watamu beaches have lots of seaweed but this shouldn't deter yo...
Post a Comment
Read more

Lusaka and Livingstone Zambia to Namibia By Road

Zambia is a pretty large country,  an exciting one and with no shortage of potholes.  For instance, take the direct route from Lusaka - Livingstone to Namibia through the Sesheke - Katima Mulilo border crossing. Typically, roads are either good or tend to have potholes here and there. However, the last 120 kilometres of the Livingstone to Sesheke/Katima Mulilo route are best described as potholes dotted by some road here and there for the just thirty kilometres past Kazungula town, which is also the Zambia - Botswana border crossing.  Trying to drive to Sesheke is so bad it will take you anywhere between 4 hours to 6 hours to navigate those 100 kilometres. You may or may not have your dignity at the end and your vehicle may be in more than one piece.  If you really must use the Sesheke - Katima Mulilo crossing as of December 2022, then take the 900 kilometre longer detour from Lusaka to Mongu then back to Katima Mulilo. It doesn't guarantee you absence of potholes, b...
Post a Comment
Read more