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Draft Speech for Kenya's 33 Years of Indepenedence

By the end of this year, we will be celebrating 33 years of independence. Although they may be not closed to the more than 200 years of independence that America has, they are still a lot of years in which we have achieved much, been the hardworking Kenyans we are. We may not have as many minerals as the South Africans, or a high population awash in oil as the Nigerians, yet we have managed to make large strides in this continent.

Within 33 years, we have more than doubled our population to exceed the 33 million mark. Had it not been the “educated” town people who started this contraceptive talk, we would have done more in this field. Nevertheless, 33 million is still a remarkable effort.

The 33 millions are too many that providing them with adequate food requires a Herculean effort. No wonder about 33 % of more than the 33 million Kenyans are estimated to be suffering from hunger at the moment. We wish that we could be at apposition to help such people, but we are morally bound to buy maize from our national coffers and sell it to South Sudan at a hefty mark up. We are morally bound because South Sudan have been at war for many decades, and have not enjoyed the peace that we have enjoyed for 33 years. We therefore have to lessen their suffering by selling to them maize so that they can recover from the effect of war on a full stomach.

Having a population of more than 33 million hardworking Kenyans, needless to say, results in our economy been the biggest in Southern, Central and Eastern Africa and Western Indian Ocean. The Romans say that Rome was not built in a day. We therefore safely assume that Rome cannot be destroyed in a day. In connection to that, we expect the economy to take care of itself, and continue been the biggest economy in Central, southern & Eastern Africa and the Western Indian Ocean without us putting much effort into it.

At this point in time, it would be important to point out that managing a country of more than 33 million souls is a task more complicated than rocket science. We have managed to have 3 loving presidents, who happen to be so blessed that there families are blessed to be the largest land owners in the country, their order coincidentally following the same succession order. Within the 33 years of independence, leadership has become so complicated that the only way that we can rule over more than 33 million Kenyans is by having 2 opposing teams making up the government, and doing away with the opposition. This is a stroke of genius, since the government is able to make and check it decisions. To support such a population and government, we require no less than 43 cabinet officials. To reach such an important number of ministers, we needed to split ministries and then allocate them to opposing ministers. This achieves our set purpose of having the government make and check its decisions. A good example of this is the ministries of public health and medical services. To obtain the difference between the 2 terms, please contact the respective ministers.

This issue of the power spills over from the executive to the legislature. We have 222 MPs who provide services to more than 33 million Kenyans. For better provision of services to the Kenyans, we should increase the number to 333. This would go hand in hand with the many districts that have grown from slightly higher than 50 to more to more than 150. These 2 measures aid in taking services closer to the people, as well as providing elusive employment to the 33 million Kenyans. The 33 million Kenyans have also ensured that their MPs are professionals, by queuing to vote in candidates that are in the right party to parliament. MPs who abandon the right party, or make the critical mistake of been in a political party not well suited for the area are voted out. This is because the 33 million Kenyans belong to the popular 42 tribes, and the tribal temperature of one area is not usually suited to some parties. Therefore people like Raphael Tuju should cease from confusing development and political parties. For 33 million Kenyans, it is critical that you be in the correct party out of the more than 33 registered parties. Development comes automatically with been in the correct party.

As I pointed out, getting employment for 33 millions Kenyans is a tall order. For our economy to remain the biggest in Central, Southern & Eastern Africa and the Western Indian Ocean, we require a small working population mostly consisting of wise aging people. This is due to the fact that wisdom , which is required for the well being of our economy, comes with age. The minority working population, been old, is automatically wise enough to feed the majority and jobless youth.

The so called vigilante groups and mungiki are not a result of unemployment. As grown democracies have shown, having such organization is vital when you have more than 33 years of independence. Ask the Italians and the USA, they have had their fare share of such groups with the Mafia. The USA might have tamed the mafia to some extent, but the Italians have vacant positions in its judiciary which the have been unable to fill(The South Americans object to me referring to USA nationals as Americans, and hasten to remind me that the America continent runs From Canada to Chile) Put simply, very few Italians fancy prosecution of the mafia as a living, seeing it more as a self signed death warrant. Given that the problem in Kenya is not that big, we see no need for panic.

Another complex twist to this story is the fact that providing security for more than 33 million Kenyans is quite hard.. We first have to allocate a sizeable chunk of the police a national priority of guarding MPs(who diligently sacrifice themselves to serve the 33 million Kenyans) where each MP has at least 2 police officers assigned to them. Of course Ministers, the VP, PM and President require a bigger number. More police officers will guard VIPs and other chief government officers while the rest will guard government buildings and other important private buildings like banks, cash transit vehicles, factories etc. the remaining officers will then be assigned to recording crime and catching up with deadly criminals such as prostitutes, drunkards and chaotic slum residents and students. Provision of security and solving other crimes will be done on a random basis, depending of the workload of the officers. As we keep reminding you, provision of services to more than 33 million Kenyans in not a piece of cake.

Fellow Kenyans, having just said slightly more than 1,000 words, you can add your contribution to reach the targeted 33 million words. That way, each Kenyans can have their fair share of our achievements.

May you all live to be more than 33 years old.

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