A to Z of Girl Pick-up Lines

Girl,

1.  You are like a breath of fresh air, like an outstanding piece of Art in an art gallery
2.  There are many things you and me can be, but it puts a smile of satisfaction on my face and a smile of envy on my buddies faces that you both beautiful and bootyfull
3.  Either your creator must have taken the greatest care creating you or your cheated your way around heaven, 'coz you clearly the prettiest girl on earth
4.  Don't ask why my breathing quickens every time I see you; setting my eyes on you makes me feel like I am drowning in your beauty, I have to catch my breath
5.  Exciting, Exotic, Elegant, Electrifying; so many definitions in english, but when it comes to the human race, girl, you are the one and only definition of all the above
6.  When I say you are fly, it may be due to the sensation of flying off the ground that I get when I am around you.
7. Some girls are beautiful, a few are decent, even fewer got class; I didn't know I could find all this qualities in one girl.
8. Your friends are distant stars, but like the sun, you are close and brighten up my day; that's why I call you hot.
9. Unlike the rest, I won't try impressing you; it would be a futile effort compared with the impression you impact on your surroundings
10. You are the perfect example of the lack of justice in this world; what with all that beauty in you? it isn't just to the rest.
11. I was dressed to kill, but your figure outdid me
12.  I am a very gifted learner, and I wouldn't mind a lesson about the interesting figure that your body makes.
13.  When I first saw you, there are many things I missed; my heartbeat, a step, and my ex-girlfriend. About my ex, I broke up with her when I saw you...
14.  With your looks and the way you carry yourself, you are bound to be charged with negligence for neglecting men's hearts
15. One of the greatest reasons I hate the devil is because he gets to have more opportunities with you than I do
16. When they said it was picture-perfect, they must have been talking about your picture, right?
17. Don't ask why everyone is quiet. Your beauty has got them thinking you are a Queen, and it leaves all of us speechless. That's why I wrote this down.
18. Were you a lab experiment, cause you feel like a chemical reaction
19. We have met before, but I was rendered speechless by your beauty on both occasions. It also doesn't help that I am afraid of spells, leave alone your spell-bounding beauty
20. I just realised that all my journeys in life have been in vain. the only trip worth taking is in your beauty; may I?
21. Your body is such a beautiful and delicate complex that if I were a biologist, I would find you hard to understand.
22. You got so much value that even a prince will find it hard to match your bride price
23. With a waist like that, you are the only item on my wish list...
24. Lets say if I was a mathematician, you would be the X in my equation
25. You so beautiful that I wish you were my date; that way I would have you every day of the year
26. When I saw you in all your beauty, a lot crossed my mind, now its just filled with zeros

      

In Kenya, its everybody's turn to eat

Kenya, is a third world country facing lots of problems from a capital city with water shortages, national blackouts, crime to bloody elections. A lot of explanations have been fronted as to the root of our problems.

The politicians have taken almost all the blame, closely followed by our tribes and then other smaller reasons. Careful examination of all of this roots will reveal that you are far from the truth.

As it has been pointed out, Kenya is a capitalist state, and before you jump to a conclusion that that is where the problem lies, it is not. Capitalism merely rewards the smartest and those who have the capital.  In capitalism, every one aims for a chance to be successful, and more often than not, aim to out succeed the rest.

Well, aiming to out succeed the others is not a problem, but like drugs, can become a very dangerous habit. Like a junkie who will go to any level to get the next fix, people aiming to be successful can go to any level to reach such heights. The result of this is that morals go out of the window and pockets help weigh decisions, leading to a greedy nation.

A greedy nation is what Kenyans are. Like a man drowning in floods that come out of nowhere, Kenyans will clutch at all straws to get to the top. A Kenyan will take themselves as an individual who must succeed with the rest of the Kenyans been a means to the end. Your average Kenyan has therefore transformed to the popular bad guy that does very unethical things in your average Hollywood movie.

We therefore have politicians who will mislead Kenyans in their quest to get to the top. People and forests have been torn down by Kenyans who have been promised a hefty meal once "we" get there. The nation has become the new beautiful girl in town who everyone wants to sleep with and no one intends to marry. Whoever sleeps with the girl first gets the honour of bragging and showing off.

We are now transfixed at  short term goals; the quickest way to become the richest man in our lifetime. everyone wants to be John D. Rockefeller , a man whose wealth amounted to 1.5% of the total wealth of the USA, the world's wealthiest country by then.

As a result, we have resulted to corruption, public plundering of resources and elimination of our competitors by all means. Such an approach has been known to be successful, but not when everyone is trying it out. When everyone tries it out, you end up in a lockdown: - A situation where a few appear to have succeeded but on closer examination, the people as a whole end up not to have succeeded as they end up creating a circle that traps anyone trying to get out of it.

In short, you end up with a country where the costs of production (such as electricity, water, living ) and cots of doing business (corruption ) are high. This makes the country less competitive in a global economy. Our industries end up producing expensive goods that can not compete with goods manufactured elsewhere. As a result, we have to close our borders to cheaper goods manufactured elsewhere. The name of this practice is "promoting local content". In English, they call it burying your head in sand.

As each one in the chain demands to eat their share of the national cake, the cost of production increases. By the time the consumers buys petrol from their local station, a sizeable proportion has been "eaten". Police then get their chance to "eat" from the matatus and the criminals. Civil servants "eat" in their offices as they speed up services and locate lost files. The civil servants not in a position to "eat" directly from the public have to eat too, and their go the missing government supplies. about the missing government supplies, even their bosses wont spare the stores. Those not employed by the government have to recover what they fed to government officers by charging high costs for their products and services, some go a step ahead by taking advantage of their employees. Private employees meanwhile have to "eat" from their employer by stealing from them. Those lucky enough to be unemployed have the opportunity to steal from the rest, after all, isn't that what they cal karma? That is the circle that we are now in.

The question is how long before we are no longer in a position to "promote local content" . At that point, we will need to devise new ways of eating, for the chain will have been disrupted, at a hefty cost.

So ladies and gentlemen, make hay while the sun shines, eat all you can before we become a victim of our own undoing.

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Stereotyping

Do you have a  friend who goes by the name of Abednego,Bosco, Fidelius/Fidellis? Does their tribe happen to be Kamba. Well, don't ask how I know, but some names are more commonly used by some communities than others.

Have you been to public campus? did you notice how your roommate/classmate has/had friends from the same constituency. did you notice that even his/her girl/boyfriend comes from the same constituency that they do. did you notice that they used to walk /hang around, drink and have fun with guys from their home constituency; how they used to talk in their mother tongue-most of the times very loudly in case you missed it- punctuating it with loud laughter? Noticed how some guys affiliated to a tribe from Western Kenya talks as if they are forcing their talking from their throats such that they pronounce lots of "eeh"? did you notice how they love wearing shorts?

Sorry about the wait, someone just knocked on my door, and wondered what I was doing awake past 1.00 a.m. in the Night. The person has also gone ahead to point out that of all the rooms where lights are on past 1.00 a.m., one or more of the inhabitants is a student in the ICT department. Anyway, why is the guy always walking around with a bunch of keys in their hands.

They remind me of the prefects and junior prefects back in high school and how they always carried a bunch of keys in their hands, no matter how deep their pockets were. Also reminds me of Clay Muganda, his beef with guys who drive white Toyota's, and how he helped us notice that they always carrying their car keys in their hands. Talking of white Toyotas, why is it hard to find a Matatu that is older than KAU and is a Toyota on our crowded highways?

Still on Matatus, why is it that most matatu drivers and conductors will speak to another foreign matatu crew in Kikuyu. This is true for almost all matatus in the greater Central Kenya i.e. areas in a 300km radius of Nairobi. Is is a requirement that you must speak Kikuyu to be a successful matatu driver/conductor?

And why is it that Matatu crew for Thika bound Matatus will rarely want to return your change. Why is it that matatu's associated with Thika will be notorious for dropping passengers before reaching their destination. Why is it that when you seat on the first row of seats in a 14 seater matatu that you will be most likely to loose your phone. Why is it that you are also likely to loose your phone when your window is open and your are 'facebooking' in a 14 seater matatu.

Talking of Facebook, why is it that we can be very close friends on Facebook but barely talks or know each other physically, or vice versa. Why is it that when am on Facebook that one is more likely to stumble on topless or nude pictures of ladies more than men.  What is the obsession of ladies with their birthday suits. Can't they keep their suits on like their male counterparts, especially those from the School of Education, who are more likely to have a coat and mismatched trousers on compare to guys from other schools.

Why is it that members of AIESEC club in your campus are likely to pay Kshs. 2000 for a dinner than members of any other club paying Kshs. 400 for a similar dinner?

Why is is it that campus girls are likely to be hanging around that guy's noisy borrowed car than his neighbour's quiet room?

Is it because you are a stereotype?

What is your stereotype?

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