As I listen to Nassir's Jones “Hero” which goes something like
Hate Him or Love Him
for the same reason
Can't leave it
The game needs him,
Plus the people need someone to believe in(this)
So In God's Son we trust
Cause they know I'm gonna
give 'em what they want
They looking for … a hero
I guess that makes me … a hero
it brings a feeling of Deja Vu.Like the three dumb pigeons in “Bolt” the movie, I will ask, “Haven't I heard that song somewhere in the news?” And everyone will shake their heads and tell me that I must be dreaming.
Again, as I sit down and watch a pirated version of “Heroes”, an American TV Drama, it keeps me wondering about the above. The connection, if you might wonder, between the two is that “Heroes”, is about people with super powers, and who use them to save other people, thus becoming heroes. But before they became heroes, they used their powers for evil purposes, thus in every Hero is a villain.
In case you have already forgotten, I was talking about the local news, and someone been a hero. Indeed I have not been dreaming. In the last couple of days, a hero has been walking around, telling people how some few “haters” somewhere had plotted to bring him down. I bet he must already be writing a best-seller, telling of how enemies tried to taint him with missing billions, murdered people, missing bags of maize amidst a hunger crisis and a myriad of other claims. He will tell us how he ended walking out of the sewer hole smelling of frankincense; how people hate him or love him for the same reason, why the political game needs him. He will tell us how people really need someone to believe in, with all the accusations flying around, what he gives them. The conclusion of the best -seller will be how he ends up been hero.
He might be the hero we need to save us from all our trouble. With the economy deciding that it is the high time capital joined maize in scarcity, it might be a matter of time before those who used to throw your job application papers in the dustbin join you with their own sets. Matter of fact, some insiders claim that it has already started. Not counting the Gtv saga, a prominent communication company is rumored to have added more talent to the job seeking masses. It is said that the grass is only greener on one out of the four communication firms. It is been said that the other non-green communication firms are really in need of a “hero” , otherwise they might be pulling a Gtv on us.
“Pulling a Gtv” is a phrase used to describe a situation where you are left holding worthless decoders, satellite dishes(and maybe sim-cards soon) and where you made payments to parties that can no longer deliver.
Things have gone bad all over the world, with many corporates in the west pulling-a-Gtv. The situation has been spreading very quickly like a mismanaged fire on a supermarket shelf, with experts saying that Kenya has not yet caught the heat of things.
As for the USA, they are counting on the 'stimulus package' to be their hero. As for the corporates in Kenya, bringing in expatriates and copy-pasting marketing strategies from other developed markets does not necessarily work. Just because it worked in a loss making monopoly(KPLC) does not mean that it will work in other sectors. Maybe it is the high time to look for “hero” within Kenya, especially during this hard time. Also remember that the government here is busy establishing heroes” for its citizen, and therefore might not generate “a stimulus” bill as your hero.
As for you the reader, I hope that you have found your “hero”, if nor, hope that you find your hero in the course of the week. Remember that in most of our heroes, are villains.
Kenya, Africa: General life and a dash of ICT usually with a satirical and critical sprinkling.
Monday, 23 February 2009
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
25 things about Kenyans.
1. This is a cheer leading nation, we will turn up in large number to cheer for anything, especially if there is something foreign about it. Examples include docking ships carrying military hardware that belongs to neighboring countries, foreign soccer matches aired by now-defunct foreign companies, overturned trailers carrying fuel meant for foreign neighbors etc.
2.Kenyans love drinking, there are no official drinking days; why should there be one . Beer is cheap(yeah, cheaper than soda)
3.Kenyans love free things and offers. Even illiterate Kenyans can read free. Never offer Kenyans anything for free, and expect them to stick around after it is no longer free. they will simply move on top the next free thing. Furthermore, there a national law stating that anything offered free should be free forever.
4.Kenya has among highest number of thieves per capita. In fact, their numbers are so high that they have managed to successfully infiltrate all sectors of the country , managing to export excess services. Do not even trust the police, it is largely infiltrated.
5.Kenyans love certificates. Be it one of death, marriage, observance & cheer leading(1 above), recognition of the exemplary volunteer services(but they will only volunteer if you offer them e certificate).
6.Kenyans love reading; this is only on condition that they will be examined, and you will issue them with certificates.
7.In Kenya, many people, especially women consider “flashing” as a fundamental human right.
8.In Kenya , Prime space is considered as any piece of land that is 0.5 meters off a road, railway or directly beneath high voltage power lines. The right of any Kenyan to posses this land at no or minimal cost is another fundamental right .
9.Kenyans work to get paid. Customers and clients have no direct connection with an employee, they are just random elements that the employee interacts with in their daily quest to get paid.
10.The Nairobi stock exchange is a market consisting of people who believe they can get rich in a second, and people out to rob others. Those are the only two you can find in the NSE.
11.Been a Kenyan, you shall agree that the Kenya Power & Lighting Company has a legal monopoly to supply, interrupt, under-supply and over-supply power at its own discretion.
12.Kenyans do not have any interest whatsoever in the economic state of the country. Even if the economy collapsed today, no one would notice. What we are really interested in, is the political state of our country. We are sensitive of every political statement, misstatement etc. We will believe in our God-Given leaders to lead us along the path they choose, economically.
13.In Kenya, 2 categories of vehicle have absolute right of way: The President's motorcade and Matatus. For matatus, the right of way extends to pavements, trampling of passengers, and driving the wrong way.
14.Kenyans believe that multinational software and music companies operate in Kenya as Open Source Companies & institutions. The same applies to local musicians . Therefore, Kenyans believe that they have the absolute right to copy, distribute, re-distribute and bootleg copies of the companies. works.
15.Only , and I repeat only a Matatu conductor is allowed to walk around carrying several thousands in cash in his hands, displayed for all to see. Even an insurance company would be comfortable with that. Anyone else trying this shall be subject to consequences of 4 above.
16.The main function of the Kenyan Police is to protect matters of National Security. They are also allowed to define what falls under National Security.
17.In Kenya, polythene papers are termed as biodegradable. Just throw them out of your car window, or drop them at your current location. Nature will take care of the rest.
18. Kenyan children are small little devils that deserve to be tortured by been made to study late into the night , then wake up early in the morning to continue with this studies. This devils should also have also have limited holidays, lest they forget that they have to study hard to achieve Vision 2030.
19.Kenyans are very social people. Furthermore, the girls are quite cute. Strangers will; respond to greetings, greet you, and welcome you especially upcountry(unless its around election time and you do not meet the minimum tribal requirements). Socializing with Kenyans is one of the best events south of the Sahara, especially with respect to 2 above.
20.Kenyans are always willing to lend a hand. This is quite true especially in accident scenes, where Kenyans in 19 and $ above will be quite willing to relieve you of your suffering and belongings respectively. Now, if only those who rush to relive you of suffering would learn a few first aid skills, maybe we would reduce the number of people in the spinal injuries ward at Kenyatta National Hospital.
21.In Kenya, Road infrastructure is not a high priority area. After all, how would we be able to know whether the car manufacturers claim of its features are true if we did not offer all Kenyans an equal chance to try this out.
22.In foreigners (especially from the “West”) we trust.
23.The Nairobi City Centre is a collection of thousands of small stalls dealing with same product, small, tiny shop after another, and a few banks. If you are looking for other enterprises, they are well spread around the city, with some in Upper Hill, others on Mombasa Road and others in Westlands.
24.When shopping in Kenya, cost comes before quality. This is despite the cost still being triple the buying price. If you are looking for quality, we wish you the very best, as all shops will stock the same exactly products.
25.In Kenya Disasters are bad misfortunes that rarely occur, and are beyond our control. In that case, we will not bother preparing for them , or taking any precautions whatsoever. We will pray(on the few times that we do so) so that a “muhadhara” can not get us, and we will ask for aid(22 above) . Such disasters include hunger(in Ukambani), floods (in Budalangi) etc. I will avoid mentioning the risk of a fire, coupled with strong dry winds occurring in one of the highly populated estates east of Moi Avenue, where buildings are one continuous mass, occupying any space that once existed.
2.Kenyans love drinking, there are no official drinking days; why should there be one . Beer is cheap(yeah, cheaper than soda)
3.Kenyans love free things and offers. Even illiterate Kenyans can read free. Never offer Kenyans anything for free, and expect them to stick around after it is no longer free. they will simply move on top the next free thing. Furthermore, there a national law stating that anything offered free should be free forever.
4.Kenya has among highest number of thieves per capita. In fact, their numbers are so high that they have managed to successfully infiltrate all sectors of the country , managing to export excess services. Do not even trust the police, it is largely infiltrated.
5.Kenyans love certificates. Be it one of death, marriage, observance & cheer leading(1 above), recognition of the exemplary volunteer services(but they will only volunteer if you offer them e certificate).
6.Kenyans love reading; this is only on condition that they will be examined, and you will issue them with certificates.
7.In Kenya, many people, especially women consider “flashing” as a fundamental human right.
8.In Kenya , Prime space is considered as any piece of land that is 0.5 meters off a road, railway or directly beneath high voltage power lines. The right of any Kenyan to posses this land at no or minimal cost is another fundamental right .
9.Kenyans work to get paid. Customers and clients have no direct connection with an employee, they are just random elements that the employee interacts with in their daily quest to get paid.
10.The Nairobi stock exchange is a market consisting of people who believe they can get rich in a second, and people out to rob others. Those are the only two you can find in the NSE.
11.Been a Kenyan, you shall agree that the Kenya Power & Lighting Company has a legal monopoly to supply, interrupt, under-supply and over-supply power at its own discretion.
12.Kenyans do not have any interest whatsoever in the economic state of the country. Even if the economy collapsed today, no one would notice. What we are really interested in, is the political state of our country. We are sensitive of every political statement, misstatement etc. We will believe in our God-Given leaders to lead us along the path they choose, economically.
13.In Kenya, 2 categories of vehicle have absolute right of way: The President's motorcade and Matatus. For matatus, the right of way extends to pavements, trampling of passengers, and driving the wrong way.
14.Kenyans believe that multinational software and music companies operate in Kenya as Open Source Companies & institutions. The same applies to local musicians . Therefore, Kenyans believe that they have the absolute right to copy, distribute, re-distribute and bootleg copies of the companies. works.
15.Only , and I repeat only a Matatu conductor is allowed to walk around carrying several thousands in cash in his hands, displayed for all to see. Even an insurance company would be comfortable with that. Anyone else trying this shall be subject to consequences of 4 above.
16.The main function of the Kenyan Police is to protect matters of National Security. They are also allowed to define what falls under National Security.
17.In Kenya, polythene papers are termed as biodegradable. Just throw them out of your car window, or drop them at your current location. Nature will take care of the rest.
18. Kenyan children are small little devils that deserve to be tortured by been made to study late into the night , then wake up early in the morning to continue with this studies. This devils should also have also have limited holidays, lest they forget that they have to study hard to achieve Vision 2030.
19.Kenyans are very social people. Furthermore, the girls are quite cute. Strangers will; respond to greetings, greet you, and welcome you especially upcountry(unless its around election time and you do not meet the minimum tribal requirements). Socializing with Kenyans is one of the best events south of the Sahara, especially with respect to 2 above.
20.Kenyans are always willing to lend a hand. This is quite true especially in accident scenes, where Kenyans in 19 and $ above will be quite willing to relieve you of your suffering and belongings respectively. Now, if only those who rush to relive you of suffering would learn a few first aid skills, maybe we would reduce the number of people in the spinal injuries ward at Kenyatta National Hospital.
21.In Kenya, Road infrastructure is not a high priority area. After all, how would we be able to know whether the car manufacturers claim of its features are true if we did not offer all Kenyans an equal chance to try this out.
22.In foreigners (especially from the “West”) we trust.
23.The Nairobi City Centre is a collection of thousands of small stalls dealing with same product, small, tiny shop after another, and a few banks. If you are looking for other enterprises, they are well spread around the city, with some in Upper Hill, others on Mombasa Road and others in Westlands.
24.When shopping in Kenya, cost comes before quality. This is despite the cost still being triple the buying price. If you are looking for quality, we wish you the very best, as all shops will stock the same exactly products.
25.In Kenya Disasters are bad misfortunes that rarely occur, and are beyond our control. In that case, we will not bother preparing for them , or taking any precautions whatsoever. We will pray(on the few times that we do so) so that a “muhadhara” can not get us, and we will ask for aid(22 above) . Such disasters include hunger(in Ukambani), floods (in Budalangi) etc. I will avoid mentioning the risk of a fire, coupled with strong dry winds occurring in one of the highly populated estates east of Moi Avenue, where buildings are one continuous mass, occupying any space that once existed.
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